The Fruit of 2018

I’ve been asking the Lord to give me more of His eyes to see the fruit from 2018 in my life. 2018 was so very hard. The kind of hard that isn’t because of any one thing but multiple things happening one after the other that you never ever expected. We had losses, disappointments, places that I had hidden identity in for years that Father removed (for my good but still painful!), things I valued being laid down, steps that didn’t turn out to be anything like I expected...So many tears fell last year. I’m so glad it’s behind me. But with great challenge comes great overcoming. No matter how much around us seems to be lost or falling apart, we are more than conquerors because our strength & peace isn’t in a circumstance, a dream being fulfilled, a family, a job or even a calling. It is in Jesus & only Jesus. We always have Him.

When I asked Him to help me see more of the fruit of what He sowed in me last year, He showed me something I want to share. I hope it encourages anyone else whose 2018 was different from what you hoped for:

I saw a picture of me walking in a dark room with a blindfold on. That’s how so much of last year felt. But the whole time I was right beside Jesus with my hand on his shoulder. When He moved, I would feel Him shift & I’d shift myself to continue in line with His step so that my hand would never leave Him. He never spoke a word. He didn’t have to. Because of how close we were walking together, he didn’t have to guide me with words, he guided me with presence. I kept my hand on the Great Shepherd & He led me. I moved with the pull of His movement. I walked where I sensed His presence. I didn’t need to see anything.

I so desired to be led by His voice that I forgot how well He can lead with out ever speaking. The voice leads wether you’re near or far from Him. He can speak & we will hear it even if we aren’t next to Him (just like we can do with each other.) But being led by His presence means we have to be close enough to touch. It’s actually a result of intimacy. Don’t get me wrong, I adore His voice. It’s the most beautiful sound you’ll ever hear. Sometimes He leads us with it. But sometimes He leads only by presence- taking your hand in His, beginning to move, and smiling as you follow. That is trust- no explanation of the movement, simply stepping together, confident that He is taking you where you exactly where you are supposed to be. 2018 felt like one long exercise in that but I look back & Im so thankful. When I thought 2018 was feeling like a lesson in perseverance & steadfastness, I see it was actually a lesson in dancing with Jesus. He is my life long lead & He doesn’t have to tell me what dance we’re doing for me to follow. I want to always be in His arms, moving where He moves. He can dance with me on top of joy or disappointment, and what is under my feet doesn’t cause me to trip because of who is in my arms ❤️🔥 My Great Shepherd is Lord & Lover of every step of my life-dance.