A little black box full of promise

I’ve found myself using the “F” word quite frequently over the last 2 days.  Yep, “Fiancé” has been rolling off my tongue since last Saturday afternoon at 1pm.  Zach hit one knee & asked me to be his wife & I couldn’t be more ecstatic about the future we’re walking into.  It is so full of promise!  Everything about how our engagement went down was a prophetic act of the life that we’re entering into together & I want to share it because it is true for all sons & daughters of the King.

Zach can share his side of the story much better than I can, but long story short the place he had planned to propose at fell through last minute (Literally an hour & a half before I was going to be dropped off).  He knew this engagement was important to Father, so he knew there was an even better plan that was about to fall together.  He ended up being given FREE access to a roof top venue down town that usually costs an arm & a leg to rent.  That’s prophetic act #1.  Father knew the desire of Zach’s heart & it was a desire of His heart too so He prepared the way for a engagement spot that was better than anything Zach could have put together on his own.  Typical Daddy God right?  He is so faithful!

I was 99% sure I was getting engaged on Saturday but I had no idea how or when.  Zach told me he had to work until 4 so I knew it wouldn’t be until after then.  I had time to have a last minute lunch with my sweet friend Sarah & she took me to The Loft at Soby’s On The Side in down town Greenville.  When I realized we were walking to The Loft & not the restaurant I decided something was definitely up.  We got to the door & I saw a sign that said “Guess who didn’t really go to work today?”  Oh-my-lanta, here we go!  I knew what was going on.  I opened the door & there was a beautiful staircase lined with candles & roses leading me upwards.  I followed them to the roof to see my man waiting for me.  I bounced (literally) over to him & after some sweet words were exchanged he dropped to one knee & pulled out a little black box…

Before I continue, you should know that I had no idea what the contents of that box looked like.  I knew I just wanted to marry Zach.  I didn’t care if there was a plain metal band in there.  Ok, maybe I cared a little but I didn’t need a ring to prove anything to me about his love for me.  His actions over the last 2 years had proven that.  I know that Zach’s heart for me is 100% good.  I was ecstatic to become his fiancé.  And now that you’ve heard that, I can also tell you this:  anyone who is a woman or knows a woman also knows that we do love beautiful things.  It’s just how we’re wired.  I can’t help it J I didn’t need a beautiful thing to say “yes” to Zach, but it would definitely be nice to see a pretty ring in that box.  I’d wondered several times about what the ring would look like.  What girl doesn’t?  I’d imagined pictures of rings that I thought would match up with what we could afford.  Neither of us are high rollers by any means, but I knew I’d be happy with what ever he gave me because it was from him.

…Now back to the story.  All of those thoughts were flooding my mind while he held the unopened box infront of me.  The words “Will you marry me?” came out of his mouth & then he opened the box.  I was completely unprepared for what was inside.   It held a ring that was more beautiful than anything I'd imagined & that says a lot coming from a chick that can normally pick something apart in a minute flat!  Every detail was what I would have pictured if someone had asked me to describe my dream ring.   I was overwhelmed.

Please hear my heart here- I am NOT saying that an engagement ring should be fancy & frou-frou in order to be precious.  If that’s what you hear, you’re missing my heart.  The man giving the ring is what matters.  That’s why mine is so precious to me.  You see, the ring I received was given to me by Zach & by my heavenly bridegroom.  They both worked together to get it to me.  It was much more than what Zach & I should have been able to have on our own.  God blessed us with that ring & through it He said, “I have more for you than you could ever get for yourselves.”  It spoke directly into my heart reminding me of all the promises the Lord had given me to break off old fears of my past.  The ring yelled into my heart “You are CHOSEN for this.  You are WORTH IT.  You are PROVIDED FOR.  You are a Daughter-Queen.”  I found myself thinking for a moment, “This ring is too much” & I heard Jesus say “You are MY bride.  That makes you WORTHY”.  It is my ring of promise.  I get to have a reminder on my hand for the rest of my life that tells me how abundantly good He is to His laid down lovers.  When we lay down our lives before Him, He loves to surprise us with His goodness!  He stands before all of us with a beautiful ring of promise asking “Will you become one with me?”  When we say “Yes” to joining with Him & coming under His love that’s when Ephesians 3:20 comes to life in us.  It is posted under my blog title & I love seeing the ways Father fulfills that promise with each new day. 

“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is at work with in us, to Him be the glory in the church (the bride) & in Christ Jesus (the bridegroom) forever & ever.  Amen” 

Here’s a little peek at what his proposal looked like J His sister, Molly, was a rockstar & took amazing pics.  Thanks Molly!

Last Pemba Post (Crazy to think!)

Abba has done so much over the last several weeks that I am truly at a loss for what to say.  I've attempted to start writing a post several times but I haven't known what to say or share. I could share a story or a testimony but every time I would start to type, I just couldn't find words to do justice to what Daddy has been up to.  It's been intense & wonderful.  This will be my last post from Pemba because, frankly, I want to squeeze every last drop of what He has for me out of my time here.

There is no way I could tell you in one post all Abba has done here but one thing is certain- He has changed me deeply.  I'm a different person coming home than I was when I arrived here.  I'm still Madison, but I've stepped into things He's been trying to awaken in me & heal in me for years.  He brought me to the very end of myself here & showed me how to operate out of His strength & none of my own.  I had to be brought low low low to be taken high high high.  He broke me to pieces & showed me the abundance- the richest of fare- that comes in dying.  When you die there is nothing, no strength, in you but He brings you to life by pouring Himself into every part of you.  The emptier I became, the better it got.  I'm more of the Madison He created me to be.  I don't know if there will be noticeable change to everyone around me but I know what is on the inside & I'm forever changed & marked by my King.  This time has been the hardest & most wonderful thing I've ever done.  I can't believe He called me to this & I got to come be smashed to pieces & brought to life.  It was heavy, it was deep, it was beautiful, it was perfect, it was holy.  I'm so thankful that he can take my little "5 loaves & 2 fish" life & multiply it.  It's what he does for all who will give all of themselves to Him.  You don't have to have a talent, a special gift, or even know what your calling is.  You just have to say "Here I am.  Here is all of little ol' me for you" & watch him multiply you to do the miraculous.

I am so excited to share stories & catch up with everyone at home & hear about your lives too!  I can't believe I'll be home in just over a week.  Pemba holds a place in my heart that not much else will be able to reach but I can't wait for what is coming next.  I'm taking all the treasure Abba has given here with me in my little jar of clay & can't wait to let him pour me out how ever He desires.  He's the beautiful one.  He's the Holy one.  He is worthy, He is worthy He is worthy to receive all glory & honor that comes from our jars of clay being broken before Him & our treasures poured out at his feet.

On a practical note, here are a few things I'm excited about coming home to: running water, a shower that's not from  holding a bottle over my head or the ocean, using a restroom that has a flushable toilet & that isn't infested with bugs that try to attack you while you are in an awkwardly vulnerable position, no bed bugs, consistent electricity, not feeling swet drip down your chest, back, legs, face all day long (including while you're laying in bed trying to fall asleep), working out & being able to be motivated by the option of a shower afterwards instead of demotivated by the though of having to take one, vegetables!!!, not having to have a group of 4 people to leave your home, having a car to drive places instead of walking or hitch hiking, not being woken up in the middle of the night by village people doing circumcision ceremonies or witch doctors, not biting down on clumps of dirt or an occasional bug in your plate, not having to carry toilet paper in your bag all the time...etc.  I could keep going but I'll save that for another post :) As much it sounds like those things are strange & uncomfortable I think I'll actually miss all of them a little bit (except the midnight witch doctor shenanigans).  They were part of life here & they made this time everything it was.  I couldn't have been brought to the end of myself with out them!

See you state side soon!  Lots & lots of love!
Madison

Pemba Update 4- A day in the life...

October has come & gone I can't believe my first month in Pemba is over.  My heart is a little sad that I'm at the half way mark. I feel at home here now.  The things that were strange & uncomfortable at first have become pretty normal & nice.  I can't wait to come back to my friends & family in the States but I hate that I have to leave my little life & family here to do it.  It's a different world here, so I decided to give a brief play by play of a day in my life here.  Ready set go...

1) Wake up & climb out of your mosquito net around 5:30am (the sun is all the way up by then).  If you're the first one up- walk to the bread tree to get your house's basket of bread rolls for breakfast.  The large quantities of MSG makes them slightly addictive so watch out. :)
2) Eat, brush your teeth & wash your face with water bottles, put on your capulana (native dress) & get in the Word for a while before 8:00 class starts.
3) Attend class from 8am-1pm. This is about 2-3 hours of worship & 2-3 hours of teaching mixed together.  Half the time we're all just laid out in the floor soaking in Fathers presence.  It is so thick!  The honey of his presence is poured all over you.  It's a yummy, warm, sticky, delicious presence.  Agendas are determined by Holy Spirit so no two days are the same & He loves worship!  There's nothing sweeter than loving on your King & being loved on in return.  October class teachings were mostly on identity as a son/daughter & inner heart healing.
4) Finish class around 1pm & head to the cafeteria to stand in a massive line & have lunch with the kids who live on the base & the Mozambican bible school pastors.  You usually meet someone new at lunch & you always get rice & beans!
5) Afternoons are filled with different activities: small group meetings, extra elective classes, soaking/intercession in the prayer hut, going to the water store to buy clean drinking water, carrying 50lb bags of rice & beans on your head to divide up & give out to local mamas, hitch hiking into town to go grocery shopping (it takes a minimum of 3 hrs to "run" to the store), making trips to the well for water, visiting the villages to love & minister to people, cleaning your house, washing your laundry in buckets (tedious!  You'll redefine what "dirty" is to cut down on loads), work out hopefully with out having a heat stroke & if you can squeeze some extra time in you get to journal!
6) Dinner bell rings around sunset at 5:30.  They bring some variety into dinner for us...you could get fish heads, cow hooves, matapa (an amazing local dish made of a spinach like plant, tomatoes, onions & ground peanuts), or cabbage all served with rice.  The best dinner nights are Wednesdays & Saturdays - you get a tiny little chicken breast or "spaghetti" (noodles with chicken broth)!
7) After dinner  for the first few days of the week we have classes, house family time & Wednesday night church.  Thursday - Sunday nights are open to hang out or process what's happening in your heart.  Every thing is a process here.  It's a process to take a shower, go to town, walk to class with kiddos grabbing all over you.  Things take about 3 times longer than you would expect but I've grown to like the pace here.  It's an event oriented culture rather than a time oriented culture so you can't get stressed about time because no one is in a hurry.
8) Take a bottle shower & get ready for bed around 8:30.  I tuck in my mosquito net & hit the hay around 9.  It's amazing the sense of security a tiny little net can give you when it comes to protection against flying & creeping things at night.  Busy days make for restful nights & I've slept great here.  I've been attacked by bed bugs twice now but I've conquered them both times (I have the 50 bite marks to prove it) :)

That was a glimpse into "a day in the life of a harvest school student".  It's pretty active!  This week also had several "firsts" for me that were noteworthy so here are 3 of the highlights...

1) Some of my roomies & I went snorkeling last weekend!  We met 2 Mozambicans who loved Jesus, had a boat, & charged a great price so that was qualification enough for us :). We rented snorkeling gear & set off for an adventure in what looked like a pirate's get-away boat!  It was hilarious to see 8 girls crammed into a fishing boat sitting on top of nets & rope while being rowed to a near by reef.  The two guys who were our guides were hilarious & spoke great English.  They had both gotten saved from Iris groups coming to their villages & showing the Jesus film.  One of them was Paul & when I met him his first 2 questions to me were "What is your name?" & "Do you know Jesus?"  Fun fact- they had 3 little fish that had been living in a pool of water in their boat for 2 months.  There was a tiny leak down there so they always had fresh water.  They named the 2 bigger ones Justice & Mercy & the baby's name was Kevin :) Yes I have pictures.

2) In class on Thursday we got into our small groups with our Mozambican bible students & had a foot washing ceremony.  Calling it powerful is an understatement.  Foot washing ceremonies almost seem to have become "trendy" in some places but we wanted to press deeply into it.  We reflected on what Jesus did for his disciples when he washed their feet.  When Peter objected to letting him wash his feet, Jesus reminded him that unless he let him wash his feet he had no part of Him.  It's hard to let someone wash your feet, especially if you would rather serve them than they serve you but Jesus says "let me wash your feet". Everyone felt extremely humbled to have their feet washed but the whole time we were reminded "You are worthy.  Jesus says you're worthy".  I touched Jesus' feet every time I touched theirs.  Every time I picked up a dirty foot to clean it I was cleaning Jesus' feet.  These men are my brothers.  I felt so honored to wash the feet of amazing men who are getting trained up to carry the Gospel to their country.  It was a blessing to serve them & pray for them while we washed.  I wept the entire time...and so did several of them.

3) I had the privilege of spending my Saturday morning with several amazing Mozambican teenage girls who live on base.  Two of my roommates planned a day date & met up with them at 8am to go to the market in the village near by.  We bought ingredients to make matapa & shema for lunch.  I've described matapa above but in theirs they add coconut milk & mango...it's to die for!  Shema is a dense corn meal porridge that you roll into balls with your fingers & use to scoop up the matapa to eat.  It's my favorite dish here!  I'd had it in Zambia years ago & was stoked to find out that they have it here.  I could eat matapa & shema everyday.  We brought the ingredients back to their house, cooked, painted our nails, & they semi-corn rowed my hair while they told us their dreams.  We had a blast.  They want to grow up to be economists, doctors, & lawyers.  They are going to do it!  They are so dedicated to their studies here & all of them speak at least 3 languages- Portuguese (national language), Macua (the local language), & English on some level.  They are amazing girls & next Saturday were having them over to our house to cook them pasta (their favorite dish).  We hope to be able to adopt their dorm for the rest of school & add some little sisters to our house.

It's been a fantastic week.  It feels like every week gets better than the last.  Sure I have my bumps- days where I'm pooped, where I've gotten super sick, where I'm sunburned 10 different ways & miss home but, man, is it worth it!  Father has given me abundant grace & joy to deal with any discomfort & he's healed me every time I've gotten sick.   He's so good, He's so beautiful, He's so faithful, & He loves so well.  Thanks again for taking time to keep up with me & keep me covered in prayer.  I say it in every post but your prayers are invaluable to me.  Thank you for keeping me lifted up, fought for & blessed!  I love you guys.

Love, hugs & blessings,
Madison

Pemba Update 3- Bush Bush fun!

Pemba update 3- Bush Bush

What has a flat tire, 15 people packed in the back of a camion for 4 hrs, & 134 Salvations?  My Bush Bush trip to Macomia last weekend.  It was the best experience I've had since being here.  (I think I say that about something every week)

My small group (the team of harvest school students & some of the Mozambican bible students) packed up last Thursday afternoon & headed out for a village called Macomia in Mozambique to love on people & show the Jesus Film to 2 villages for the very first time.  We had a small bus & a camion to get almost 30 of us plus our camping gear & food out to the bush bush.  Let me just say that 6 Flags ain't got nothing on a 4 hr ride in the back of a camion through the bush!  I loved it.  It was some hysterical bonding time for our group as people flew out of their seats with every bump.

We had a little resistance leaving the base but that was just confirmation that great things were in store.  We planned on showing the film that evening to a village but we blew a tire as soon as we left & were 2.5 hrs late getting on the road.  We finally left at 5pm for a 4 hr drive & hoped we would still be able to have our service.  We made it to Macomia around 9pm, set up our tents & got back in the truck to head for the village.  We were exhausted already, but starting a church service at 10pm with a 2 hr movie in it was even more tiring to think about.  We were reminded that we hadn't gone to the bush to have a camping trip.  We went to bring the gospel of Jesus, so we prayed through our exhaustion & asked Father to bring his kingdom down that night on everyone we would encounter.  When we arrived, we found out that just before we got there a woman in the village had gone to the chief & told him "Those Iris people are liars.  They said they were coming to us but they aren't".  Praise The Lord we listened to Him & not our tired bodies & went on to the village.  There were only 4 or 5 people out when we arrived but when we started playing music, out of no where about 40 kids came out to dance with us & the adults followed.  Around 100 kids/adults were there all together.  We danced & laughed, one of our leaders gave a message, we showed the Jesus film in the village's native tongue & around 40 people were saved!  Their hearts were so ripe for the gospel.  They had been waiting for someone to share Jesus with them.  We just showed them an amazing Father God who loved them immensely & they said yes to him...at 1 in the morning!

On a personal note, Thursday was a really rough day for me physically.  I never like to give the Devil attention b/c frankly, he's not worth the energy but I want to share the joy that came out of what was intended for destruction.  I encountered attacks on my physical body Thursday night that I knew were attempts to slow me down from doing what Father sent me to the Bush to do.  When we got into the camion to go to the village on Thursday night, I immediately got hit with a migraine & I don't get those.  (I have a completely new compassion for people who get them now.  They are awful.) I prayed & broke it off in Jesus name,  but it persisted through the service.  When we were called up to pray for people at the end of the service, I then had a huge wave of nausea hit me out of no where.  I was so distracted my the pain in my head & belly that I could barely pray for people.  "Father you know their needs, so come & meet them." was about all I could muster.  Thank goodness it is His power at work in me that ministers & not the technicality of my words.  I found one of my leaders after we finished & had them pray with me.  The migraine got better but the nausea continued till we got back to the camp site.  I went straight to my tent & cried & prayed myself to sleep.  When I woke up Friday morning, it felt like I'd been given a double dose of blessing for every struggle I felt the day before.  The scripture "Sorrows may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning" happened in my body.  I felt absolutely amazing.  I had been given a supernatural measure of joy.  I literally felt like I couldn't contain it; I was overflowing!  Immediately The Holy Spirit brought to mind the scripture "consider it pure joy when you face struggles of many kinds" for the sake of the gospel.  A clearer revelation of this truth got dropped deep into my spirit.  Father redeemed all the discomfort that came from the opposition the day before & gave me supernatural amounts of joy BECAUSE it was for the sake of the gospel.  I would not have been given that joy had I not suffered.  I would have missed out.  I felt so honored & humbled that I would be able to share in that & receive that revelation in a deeper place in my spirit.  All I could do was tell Him what an honor it was to have suffered in a very small way as a direct result of taking his kingdom out.  It was more than worth it. It was a privilege.

As Friday continued, we went door to door in the village loving people, telling them how much Father loved them, & praying with them.  We had a young girl with a very swollen ankle who wanted to receive prayer.  We prayed Fathers love down on her ankle & the pain & swelling immediately went down.  She went from limping to walking, skipping & running with one of our teammates to show how Jesus had touched her.  Because of how Jesus loved on her, she said she wanted to receive him as her savior.  She was saved, & then her mom, aunt & 2 cousins wanted to be saved after seeing what Jesus had done for her.  It was so much fun!  We were all buzzing with joy & laughter.  My group had a total of 8 people come into the family from door to door visits.  Praise God! What a joy it is to be part of bringing the Kingdom & seeing people brought back to their Daddy!

We went on to a new village Friday night to show the Jesus film again & we had even more response at this location.  It was triple the size of the first village and around 70 people were saved!  I've never seen such a hunger in people for Jesus.  They were desperate for hope & love & when they found Jesus, they took hold of Him eagerly.  It was beautiful.

Saturday we did baptisms with the local pastor in a river close to where we set up camp.  20 people were baptized who had recently surrendered to Jesus & invited Him into their heart, including several from our door to door evangelism.  It was an all out celebration!  Everyone piled around the river to watch.  What was a dirty littered pond moments before was transformed into a place where streams of living water gushed forth with every foot that stepped into it in the name of Jesus.  Even little kiddos who were watching got down in the river & started dunking their own heads into the water. It was precious & we took it as a prophetic declaration for them :) One woman who was washing clothes in the river saw what we were doing & when we explained she wanted Jesus too & was baptized.  Revival was spreading like fire in this small area & I can't get over what an absolute honor & joy it was to be a part of.  I kept wanting to pinch myself.  Father's kingdom crashed down on two villages in Macomia last weekend.  People felt the love of their Father, hearts were turned from darkness to light & orphans became sons & daughters at the feet of Jesus.

Pemba Update 2- becoming blind to dirt

Im a few days late in getting this up (internet access is hard to come by) but this was a glimpse into last week- it was full of adjusting to life in Pemba.  Our new lifestyle is in full swing.  We're in our class routine & we had Mama Heidi speak Thursday.  She's just wonderful & her humility is humbling in itself.  I'm part of a practical missions team that works with the Mozambican Mamas to divide up rice & beans for 300+ families & deliver it once a week.  I'm also in a small group made up of our international Harvest school students & some of the native Mozambican Bible students.  This group is a blast.  We meet several times a week to fellowship, attempt to learn some of each others languages, laugh A LOT, play games, minister to each other & do out reaches.  It is amazing to see what God is doing in the hearts of the people here.  Revival is growing like wild fire & we get to be in the middle of it partnering with Him.  It is beautiful & humbling to see the passion these men have for their country to know Father & step into their identity as sons.  This Thursday (tomorrow) all 25 of us are going into the bush bush for 3 days together to show the Jesus film to a remote village in their native tongue & share the love of Jesus.  I can't wait :).  Please be praying for us. It will be a powerful time where Father brings freedom & darkness flees in the name of Jesus from people it's had a hold on.  Along with all of this, last week was full of stretching.  Father has encountered me in powerful & precious ways already & has revealed things to me in my own heart that needed some tweaking.  A nearly 3 month trip is very different mentally from a 2 week mission trip.  2 week-ers are wonderful & life changing but when it comes down to it one can do almost anything for 2 weeks because you know "home" is around the corner.  Mentally, you're aware that comfort is coming.  The mental adjusting here was challenging because my mind knew all these changes were going to be here for 10 weeks.  You don't feel like you're adjusting temporarily, you feel like its more permanent.  All the more reason to learn to submit your soul to your spirit that is seated in heavenly places in all things!  As this last week progressed the weather got hotter & hotter, the water worked less & less & I continued to get dirtier & dirtier.

Here's an example (& yes it may sound petty as first but hang tight for the lesson learned)- At home in the states I like to feel clean- especially before going to bed.  It's a comfort to me.  Here in Pemba, it is absolutely impossible to feel clean for more than 10 minutes after a wash.  Sweat & dirt jump right back on you.  Since we have very little & unpredictable access to running water, if I want to be clean before bed a bucket shower is the only way to make that happen.  This isn't bad, just a little inconvenient but I hadn't yet washed my hair with a bucket shower.  I felt certain water would come on before long & I'd just wait to wash my hair until then but by day 5 of dirty hair & hoping, I felt so nasty that I couldn't wait any longer for running water to take a comfortable shower.  A bucket hair wash was going to happen & would continue to happen for 9 more weeks.  Yes it sounds trivial but any woman with longer hair can imagine what it is like to have 2-3 bottles of water to use for washing your hair & body ( to cover washing & rinsing). It's tricky at first!

Last Thursday evening I was headed back to my bunk house with one more round of high hope that the water would be on.  This was also divinely appointed to be the day I felt the dirtiest & most homesick so far.  I thought I just wanted to feel cool & clean for a minute but that wasn't what the real issue was.  Really I was grasping for some small thing that would make me feel like I had a comfort of home.  I can handle the food, the heat, the unfamiliarities, but can a girl get a shower please!? Surely the water would be on for 5 minutes!  Upon my return to the house my hopes went down the drain with one twist of a shower knob.  Not a drop.  I actually started to cry, crouched down in the bathroom holding my towel.  All of my homesickness & adjustment exhaustion came out in tears.  It was at that very moment that I heard Father say "If you never got to shower at all for the next 10 weeks, would you still keep your joy? If you didn't have one single comfort would you still seek to love on these people with everything in you?" It hit me-the Holy Ouch :/  "Oh Father, I see now & I'm so sorry.  This whole time I've been focusing on the dirt instead of letting you teach me to be blind to it."  Up until this point I'd been "doing" the stuff I was supposed to do- loving, serving, trying to be Jesus' hands, seeking Father but the whole time in the back of my mind I'd been focused on the "dirt" I was in & I looked forward to when I could run wash it off each day to maintain some feeling of home & comfort.  Papa sweetly & firmly reminded me that this was the entirely wrong approach.  I didn't come here to run from the dirt, I came here to LIVE in it.  When you are running from something, it's all you notice in a completely negative way.  When you are living in something, you find joy in it.  There in the bathroom corner, Papa shifted my paradigm on what is means to live in the dirt & something big broke off of me in that moment.  I found a new freedom in not being restricted by "dirt".  I proceeded to take my bucket shower & wash my hair with joy & when I was done I felt cleaner than I had all week.  I bet you can guess what happened next...the water came back on 10 minutes after I was done :)

The next day I got absolutely filthy carrying 50 lb bags of rice & beans to divide up for 325 families to eat.  I got bitten by ants repeatedly, my clothes turned brown, & I had sneezing fits all day because of the dust from the bags of beans & ended up catching a cold that lasted 3 days but I loved that day!  I've been reminded that I didn't come here to be clean.  I came here to do life & live, no matter how different it feels from what I was used to before.  After all, isn't that what Jesus did for us?  He left his home to come live in our dirt for us & He did it with complete patience & joy.  What an honor to be given a teeny tiny portion of that.  Papa broke the lens off of my eyes that night that was causing me to see dirt, & now he's made me blind to it.  I don't see it anymore.  I'm fully here & I can go to bed with dirty feet & a smile on my face.

He's given me so much new grace.  When I don't want to be hot, when I feel the effects of living with 10 wonderful girls in a very small 2room/1bathroom house, when I don't want to use a latrine, when I don't want to be around 300 people, I realize it's not the circumstance that needs to change, it's my heart that needs change.  I discover a new place where I need grace & Daddy gives it to me abundantly.  Anytime we feel that twinge in our heart when something rubs us the wrong way, if we're paying attention we will usually find that it is an opportunity for Father to show us a new area where we have room for more grace.  He gives it freely & generously, so take advantage.  It is beautifully freeing & you'll notice the "dirt" around you start to disappear.

That's the peek into my last week for now friends!  Thank you for taking time to keep up with me & interceding for me :) Once more, pray for us as we prep to go on our bush bush trip tomorrow!  Pray Father's kingdom down on the village we will enter, pray chains & bonds are broken over peoples lives as they encounter the love of Jesus. Freedom reigns.  Love you all.  I'll catch you next week!

Hugs & Blessings,
Maddie

Pemba Update 1-So far, SO good!

I've only been here 4 days but I'm already smitten with Pemba & sick of rice :)  It's hot & dirty & wonderful. The environment that's been created at the school base is amazing.  There is complete freedom here to be exactly who you are & who you know Father is calling you to be.  You feel like you are coming more & more into yourself with each day.  I already feel completely at home here-like this is what my heart has longed for & it was at rest immediately upon arriving. Complete peace, joy, & right identity abound all the time on campus & you can feel it being carried with us when we leave.   I've even found a bunch of fitness fans to work out with in the mornings!  He loves giving us the little things :) It's so good.

The campus is a beautiful & is much nicer than I was expecting! We have a toilet AND a shower that work when the water is working, praise Jesus.  The only hang up is that the power & running water shut off regularly at random, so we keep 2 big barrels of water on hand for showers/washing & there are squatty pottys available in lieu of toilets (see what I did there?). There's only a 50/50 chance that we'll have water on any given moment  & it can go off for weeks so we take it with thanks one wash at a time :) (Literally, I've found myself thanking Jesus every morning when the water works for me to wash my face)

I'm crazy about my house (House 5 for you veterans) & my family of girls already. There are 10 of us & we're from all over the globe- Canada, Finland, Brazil, England, Mexico & 3 of us are from the States.  Our house mom is Carol from Brazil, & she overflowed with love for us from the moment she met each of us.  She's such a comforter & encourager.  I couldn't have asked for a better group of sisters to do life with over the next 2.5 months.

Classes start on Monday & we will get into the full swing of morning & evening sessions next week.  There is a small village directly behind our base that we are free to visit any time & there are tons of kids who live there and love for us to come play with them.  I went for the first time today & was reminded that love doesn't look like a common language. It looks like laughing, being silly & cleaning wounds on kids feet.  It was a blast.

Here's a few fun facts about Pemba I've learned so far...
- The sun sets at 5pm & rises around 4:30am (Good Morning Sunshine)
- when there is no glass in the windows, the Muslim call to prayer at 3am out side the base will wake you up every night.
- If you forget to check the time zone on your phone to see if it synced to Pemba from Tanzania time you will wake up an hour earlier than you think you did & work out at 4:00 in the morning instead of 5:00.  Nice!  I needed a nap by 11am.
- It will get to be around 120° in November (Holy heat stroke!)
- I ate my first fish head for dinner on Friday
- Peanut butter is currently our hottest commodity
- One day feels like a week - the pace of life is slow & wonderful. Rest comes easy
- If you know a little Spanish, Portuguese is very confusing to pick up!

That's all for today folks!  Nothing deep, just an intro to the practical side of life here. I hope to check back in with you next weekend!  Love to you all!!

What exactly are you doing in Mozambique??

I've had several people ask, so this post is for a little peak.  For those of you who would much prefer to see a video of where I'm doing in Mozambique instead of read about it- this post is for you :)  Here it is...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tH51jzCwxlw

You can read more about what I'll be doing in the first paragraph of the post below.  I'm at the final count down...6 days & some change.  I feel like I'm Lucy about to enter The Wardrobe.  Its a crazy, wild, wonderful, overwhelming, surreal & humbling thought all at once to know Father has decided its my time to go.  One of the things I love that Mama Heidi (Heidi Baker who founded Iris Ministries & Harvest School) says about her life & minisrty is this: "Anyone that discovers who He (Jesus) is would give everything for him.  He's the pearl of great price.  He's the lover of our soul.  He's beauty itself.  There is absolutely nothing, nothing extroridinary about me.  I'm nothing at all, but He's captured my heart.  Its Him, He's the one.  He's so lovely, He's so beautiful, He's so amazing that what else could you do?  What other response could you have?"  I can't add anything to that.  She said it perfectly, so that's it for today :)

She showed me Kingdom Giving

In order to be able to share this story I need to give you a little back info first-
For those who don't know, 4 weeks ago Father told me to quit my job, drop my plans & move to Mozambique Africa for almost 3 months to attend a school called the Harvest School of Missions with Iris Ministries.  I leave in a week & a half (yikes!)  It is an amazing place where people are equipped for international missions & ministry.  Jesus is glorified above all else, & their main mission is to love people into an encounter with Him.   The supernatural is a normal part of life there.  They see the deaf hear, food multiply, the lame walk & more on a daily basis. The power of Father is at work in mighty ways there & I am so honored to be able to go be a part of what He is doing as I'm more equipped to move forward in His calling on me.  For the last 4 weeks I've been busy getting things ready to go & trying to raise a substantial amount of money to cover the costs of this adventure.   The generosity that has been poured out on me while I fund raise has been amazing.  I had almost $6,500 to raise, & now with a week to go, I only need $2,400 more.  People have blown me away with their eagerness to give & be "senders".  Father has been SO sweet to me in all of my preparations, & this story is one of the testimonies of that...

Since finding out I was leaving, I've been trying to see friends who are dear to me over lunches & dinners before I head out.   Last week I got to have dinner with an amazing friend that we will call "E".  E is one of those friends who you are connected with in your spirit.  You can go months even years with out seeing each other but when you get back together you just pick right up.  Those friends are rare & precious.  She is also living life in full time ministry so she knows the lessons to be learned in being supported by Father for your income & provision.   I was sharing with her about how my preparations for leaving & fund raising had been going & how faithful The Lord had been to me.  He had been providing just what I needed right when I needed it but I still had several thousand dollars to raise.  She started sharing with me testimony after testimony of how The Lord had provided for her & her family over the years.  Her stories so encouraged my heart & reminded us both of The Lord's commitment to make the way for our obedience to him.

She shared her most recent story of provision that had just taken place the night before we had this dinner.   She was helping lead worship for a bible study group & they surprised her in taking up a love offering for her.   Through that offering The Lord provided more than what she needed to cover her expenses for the month.  She had such peace in living from provision moment to provision moment with The Lord & it so encouraged me to see that in her.  She was content to wait on Him to provide because she was 110% confident that he always would.

In sharing her story she had already encouraged my faith, but then she went a step further & reached into her wallet & pulled out all the money she had left over from that offering after paying her bills.   "Here, this is for you. I don't even know how much it is but The Lord gave me more than what I needed last night so now I can give it to you."   I was overwhelmed.   She could have easily taken that & gone on a nice little shopping spree, gotten herself a spa day, saved it for next months bills or any number of things that a girl would love to enjoy doing.  Instead, however, she chose to joyfully exemplify what it looks like to live out kingdom giving & love for a sister.  Father met her needs & she was so confident in his goodness & faithfulness that she felt no need to hang on to the "extra".  She kept her hand open to Father & did what he asked with what he gave her, even when that meant giving it away.  It did so much more than help me with my financial support.   It powerfully reminded me of what community with Father looks like.  We receive what we need & give the rest away because we know we have a Daddy who will never let us go without.  Her rest in his love was contagious, her generous heart was humbling, & she looked like Jesus to me in that moment.

This was a week ago & it still stirs my heart.  I know her only intention was to love me & be obedient to what she heard Father say, but what it did for me was challenge me to practice more kingdom giving in my own life.   When we all can learn to live open handed, like E, we allow The Lord to not only meet our own needs but to use us to provide for others because He trusts us to assist in meeting the needs of our family.  This is his plan for community.  He wants to see his family care for each other.  It is easy to give out of security, but when we give away what could easily be used on our own needs he always shows off his goodness to us.  My challenge to you is the same one that was issued to my heart last week- look for your next opportunity to practice kingdom giving, not when it is comfortable but when it is obedient.  It may not necessarily look like a financial sacrifice.  It may look like time, talents, or emotional support but what ever it is, you can bet that if you follow Fathers lead he will give it back to you " ...a good measure pressed down, shaken together & running over." -Luke 6:38

SHAMELESS PLUG- If you'd like to help me get that last $2,400 covered, you can give on line at www.wearecitychurch.com/give - follow the prompts, select "short term missions" in the drop down box next to your donation amount & put "Madison Hopkins Mozambique" in the "notes" section.  Thank you!

Killing & Kissing

Over that last 4-5 weeks I’d been progressively feeling more & more off my game emotionally & spiritually.  What was my deal?  My plate is a little fuller than normal so at first I thought it was me coping with extra stress poorly.  However, the more I looked into it, the more I realized that wasn’t what was going on. 

I just couldn’t shake it- life was piling up, things I’d determined to do weren’t happening smoothly, & there were steps towards dreams I had hoped to take that weren’t happening.  I was trying to plan for things, but I felt like there was a roadblock at every turn I tried to make.  “Wait” seemed to be the overwhelming theme in everything I did.  My frustration had been growing, & finally last Sunday it all came out.  I spent the entire day in my pajamas, having a break down in my apartment.  (Every woman knows a good break down is needed once in a while J)  I just didn’t get it.  Everything I was trying to work towards was good.  The things my heart desired were desires that Father had birthed in me & I felt released to pursue. 

Then it hit me…I was attempting to plan for all these good things out of a desire in my flesh to feel security & I was acting like plans would provide that.  I love planning & making progress towards goals.  Plans give me a sense of stability & comfort by seeing the path that will get me to a goal.  Plans are good but not when they are rooted in fear, and that fear is precisely what the Lord wanted to get rid of in me.  I was subconsciously afraid that the desires of my heart wouldn’t come to pass, so I was seeking security in planning for them.  “If I plan, it will happen”.  That’s why Father was blocking every move I was making.  He was more concerned about my heart than my progress towards a goal.  He took me to the scripture in Hosea that says this:

“Therefore I will block her path with thorn bushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.  She will chase after her lovers (my plans) but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them.  Then she will say ‘I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.’…” –Hosea 2:6-7

What a wonderful Ouch.  The tears came falling when he took me through those verses.  Their sting brought me to a beautiful place of seeing with His eyes that what I really needed was to let my plans die & trust him with my desires.  He loves me enough to kill in me the things aren’t in line with his heart for me.  He knew I had a need to feel secure & had misidentified where that need could be met.  He wanted to kill my expectations for what security looked like so that He could show me his plan for what security is.

Now it made sense.  The entire last several weeks had been a dying process.  That fleshly desire for false security was being tested & proven lacking, so it needed to be done away with.  Naturally, when the Lord is killing something in you it hurts!  I, being the strong willed individual I am, had done a great job of resisting this & forging on in my planning, completely unaware of what Father was trying to do. Once I realized what He wanted, I had no choice but to submit to that killing.  You see, the precious thing about Father is that when he puts his finger on an area of our flesh that needs to die, as he kills IT he kisses US.  He will kill you & kiss you over & over until the job is done & when you come out of it, all of the pain of the killing was nothing compared to the kisses he gave you & the person you are now.  It is so worth it!  I will trade his killing for kissing any day (don’t hear me wrong, it still hurts!)

Maybe there is an area of your life where you’re feeling blocked at every turn.  I encourage you to press into it a little more to see if Father has his hand in there somewhere.  Is there an area where your heart’s motives aren’t matching up with his?  Welcome his killing of those places because the kisses He will give you in the process are worth it.  I’ll leave you with a song one of my friends sent to me at the perfect moment in all of this.  It was one of Fathers kisses to me & if you’re in a “dying season” like I was, I hope it encourages you.  Sing it out loud, declare it over yourself & feel his big wonderful kiss!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kM5HGSixKk  - Though You Slay Me (Shane & Shane)

Weddings, New Family, & Anointed Dance Parties

Last Friday morning, Zach & I jumped in the car to head down to Savannah, GA for the weekend to celebrate the marriage of two of his friends that he met last Fall at Iris Ministries’- Harvest School of Missions.  For those of you who have never heard of Iris Ministries or Harvest School before, it is a school of missions in Pemba, Mozambique (Africa) where Jesus is glorified, the Holy Spirit moves freely & wildly, Father’s kingdom invades earth in a big way & dark places are taken back for his name’s sake.  The supernatural is the norm there…from healings, to food multiplying &  gold dust & diamonds appearing on the floor in worship.  Its easy to get caught up in the “wow” factor of that, but the school exists to glorify Jesus & to show people the love of a Father who is crazy about them…in any way he chooses to show it.

I had been stoked for weeks about this wedding.  Its funny to say that about a wedding for 2 people that you’ve never met, but I knew that Zach’s friends from Pemba would be coming from across the world to be there & I was going to get to meet them. I’d heard amazing stories about them & I knew in my spirit that I would love them immediately.  I felt like I already knew them.

When we arrived, we walked up to one giant family reunion.  The wedding took place on a beautiful lake at a camp-ground just outside of Savannah (where John Wesley had preached in the 1800s no less...come on now!)  and most of the out of town Harvest School students were all staying together in a cabin.  When I met them, it took about 10 seconds with a few hugs & I was at home, both in my heart & my spirit.  It was instant family that I felt closer to in a few minutes than I do to many people I’ve known for 20 years.  Only Jesus can do that.  Below are three of them: Karla, Stephanie & Megan.  As soon as I met these girls, I knew I’d met sisters that I’d be connected to for life.  Thank you Jesus!  They are incredibly beautiful & beautifully incredible.

It was non-stop celebration, worship & love all weekend.  Friday night, we had a spontaneous worship party where all 20+ of us piled into the living room of the cabin with a guitar, a djembe & our voices & worshipped for hours that felt like minutes.  “You are good, you are holy, you are worthy”…”In every season of my soul I will sing & bless the Lord, Oh my soul”…”I am a lion of the tribe of Judah, hear my roar,  his name is Jesus-my roar”  We danced, sang, danced some more, ministered to each other & the presence of the King came in to be with us.  His presence was so thick in that place that you could feel it surrounding you, overwhelming you,  & pouring out of you.  It was heaven in a living room.

Saturday was amazing.  Their ceremony was a beautiful picture of Christ & his church.  When you saw Josh & Rachael, you saw Jesus & his bride.  The reception was so full of joy that you couldn’t stand to be still.  I think that’s just how it will be when we celebrate at the wedding feast of Jesus (If we can stay standing at all).  We were bouncing around like jumping beans & dancing the whole time.  We were an exhausted, stinky, lovely, sweaty mess by the end of it.  When it came time to say good-bye & head back to Greenville, my heart pinged with a little sadness.  I felt like I’d only had 2 days with people I’d just fallen in love with.  I’m so thankful for friendships in the spirit that you can be confident will remain over the years to come.  Those are the deepest & strongest friendships you can have.  I was so blessed by those friends & can’t wait to see how Father connects us all in the future.  Zach said it well when we were driving away toward Greenville…”I feel like I just left home”.  If any of you are reading this, I love you & miss you already!  Please come visit Greenville soon.  Can’t wait to see how Papa brings us back together J

Name Calling

This is going to be a little bit of a confession.  Let’s admit it, from time to time, we all get into “funks” with the Lord as we grow.  It feels like you lose your peace & like there’s distance between the two of you but you can’t quite put your finger on why.  Well, I found myself there 2 weeks ago & it was pissing me off.  (Yep, I said it)  I hate that feeling!  I know the intimacy with Father that He’s given me access to through Jesus.  It is precious to me.  Now, I knew He hadn’t moved at all, so by deductive reasoning, if there is a feeling of silence, I’m probably the one that’s moved J

I was lying in my bed on a Tuesday & I was just ready for this "funk" to end.  I'd tried praying through it, done everything I could think of & I didn't know what else to do.  I decided to tell the Lord about it & started off with something like this: “Abba, what is going on?  I miss you!  I’m not hearing you like normal.  Father, this is so frustrating!  I’m done with this…”  and before I could even continue on with my sassy prayer He interrupted me and said-

“Do you hear what you just called me?”

Me: __________  (When he asks you a rhetorical question, you know its gonna be good)

Him: “ You just threw out names that sound nice: “Father” & even an “Abba”.  (Nice touch)  But how about you lose the scripted attempts for intimacy & call me something that makes you a little uncomfortable - “Daddy”. 

Me:  (Speechless)

It was the most uncomfortably perfect answer.  I realized the emotional attachments I had to the names I’d used for him weren’t intimate.  They were pseudo-intimate names I’d grown familiar with using. “Father”-  a little better than “Lord”...sounds sweet at first but its like you’re addressing a dad you’ve never met.  “Abba” – making progress.  This is “Da-Da” in Hebrew, & its what Jesus called Him, but He knew that for me, there was no emotional connection to that word.  I’m not Hebrew!  I was repeating what I’d heard others use hoping that I would continue to find intimacy in it.

“Daddy” – now that was one that was uncomfortably intimate.  I don’t even call my earthly Father “daddy”.  Its usually “dad” - a little more grown up & less vulnerable sounding.  Obviously, then, “daddy” was exactly what He would want me to call him.  It was as vulnerable, childish & needy sounding as I could get.  It made complete sense.  I awkwardly said out loud “OK Daddy.  I’m not calling you anything but that until you tell me otherwise.”  And just like that, I felt His presence all over me.

To call someone by an intimate name even when you aren’t feeling close can feel awkward, but the act of doing it is what helps restore the intimacy.  It was just what I needed from Him & it brought me right back into his lap.  What do you think?  Is there a new name for you to call Him?  Ask Him, & then push through the uncomfortable feelings.  He longs for you to press into closeness with Him.  Intimacy waits on the other side of the awkwardness.  Sometimes He wants to know if we will push through for it, so find that name that makes you feel childishly uncomfortable & say it.  You might be surprised at what you find, & in this case-He'll appreciate your name calling.

Give it a rest

We’ve all had it… the post vacation blues that hit us the Monday morning after our return. I had to give my self a major pep rally to get out of bed yesterday.  This past weekend, I came home from a 5 day beach vacation in Litchfield.  My boyfriend & his sweet family let me come along with them on their annual Litchfield beach week (appropriately hash tagged #brinsonbeachweek on all IG pics).  It was full of sun soaking, naps in hammocks, ice cream, day-dates with my man, ocean kayaking, & seashell collecting.  Amidst all of that, I was reminded that when all agendas, “to-do” lists, alarms telling me when to do something & pressure to cram 1500 things into one day are removed, there is sand to stick your toes in & rest to be had!

Rest is something that is hard for me to naturally come by.  I have to be intentional about it.  I’m an achiever.  I get stuff done.  I pride myself on cramming more into a day than most people can fit into a week.  Zach jokingly says, I only waist time if I’ve intentionally planned to waste time.  In my early 20s, I thought this was a fantastic approach to life.  After all, being a young single woman trying to make it in the world is demanding!  The more you can do, the further you’ll get, right?  Nope!  While there is some truth to that thought, it will kill you if you live by it.  I learned that the hard way.

Father continues to teach me that rest is the environment in which He does everything.  “Lovers get a lot more done than workers”.  When we learn to live in a state of rest with him, we’ll find that we get a lot more done on accident through loving Him than we ever could with a “do-er” mentality.  You see, He’s not concerned with what we can “do”, nor do we have to prove ourselves to Him.  He’s concerned with us realizing who we are & how we love & release His kingdom on earth in our everyday lives.  It sounds simple, but it’s taken me a while to let that sink in. 

Make time for your rest.  Value & prioritize it.  It is vital to maintaining your peace & staying in sync with Father’s rhythm.  He waits for you in rest.  Take it from a girl who’s learned the hard way:  it’s so much better to rest with Father, even if it means not getting to some things on your list.  You might even find that you didn’t really need to have them on there in the first place J  Father is excellent at trading burdens for rest.  “Come to me all you who are weary & burdened & I will give you rest.”  Matt 11:28  Take a risk, leave that last thing on your list undone & give it a rest.

Allow me to re-introduce myself

My name isn't HOV, its still Madison but after a 21 month sabbatical I thought a re-introduction might be necessary. Once upon a time, I was the poster child for a "Type-A Realist" - head out of the clouds, trying to out-plan life, always prepared, never taken by surprise....it was exhausting. I finally came to a turning point where Father showed me how good He wanted to be if I would step out of the way. I'd have too many stories to share if I were to tell you all the ways He's been transforming my life into one that is more full of Him and His Kingdom, but let me say that most of the transformation hasn't been in my circumstances, it's been in my heart. After some dying to myself & pitching a few fits along the way- my joy runs deeper, my peace is more abiding, I'm stepping more in line with my calling & all of this is because my relationship with Father has gone to levels I didn't know I could access.

Its been a significant 2 years of pulling away fears & replacing them with faith. Father took my orphan heart who felt she always had to work to provide for & protect herself, & he replaced it with the heart of a daughter (probably not always the most tame one). He's given me a life that is more than anything I could ever have planned for myself. Its full of joy, love, lessons, adventure, & purpose that is perfectly in line with who he has created me to be. I hope this is a place that you will visit often, feel His love, find encouragement to do the extraordinary & live your fairy tale. I'm looking forward to sharing mine with you!