Waiting becomes abiding

Waiting. I thought I’d be a pro at this by now. 4 & 1/2 years of learning to find treasure in waiting & somehow the last week of pregnancy feels embarrassingly challenging.  I’m still impatient. I’m trying not to wish these days away because I know I’ll look back & they’ll be just a blink but, buddy boy, I just want to hold you. I want to smooch your cheeks.  I want to find out what parts of your daddy I see in your face.  I want to lock eyes with you for the first time.  I want to feel that first skin to skin moment. I want my lung capacity back 😬

These last few days I’ve found myself pressing into Jesus for grace in a new but familiar way. He’s reminded me in every kind of waiting, He will always be the treasure we can find there as we shift our focus from the object of our waiting to His face.  I can have as much of Him as I’m hungry for, anytime, anywhere, & He is the only thing that satisfies.  My spirit knows He is the only thing that I really long for.  

In these last few days of wishing for baby, what I’m really longing for, what will really allow me to sit contently here is the same thing that enabled me to sit contently in the last 4 years - it’s Jesus.  It’s being with Him. It’s adoring Him. It’s feeling Him adore me.  When I sit with Him we’re outside of time & Im not waiting anymore for anything. I’m abiding. And that’s the place He wants me to live from. It’s the place where fruit grows.  It’s the place I become more like him.  Keep me here as long as you’ll stay here with me, Jesus.