Pemba Update 2- becoming blind to dirt

Im a few days late in getting this up (internet access is hard to come by) but this was a glimpse into last week- it was full of adjusting to life in Pemba.  Our new lifestyle is in full swing.  We're in our class routine & we had Mama Heidi speak Thursday.  She's just wonderful & her humility is humbling in itself.  I'm part of a practical missions team that works with the Mozambican Mamas to divide up rice & beans for 300+ families & deliver it once a week.  I'm also in a small group made up of our international Harvest school students & some of the native Mozambican Bible students.  This group is a blast.  We meet several times a week to fellowship, attempt to learn some of each others languages, laugh A LOT, play games, minister to each other & do out reaches.  It is amazing to see what God is doing in the hearts of the people here.  Revival is growing like wild fire & we get to be in the middle of it partnering with Him.  It is beautiful & humbling to see the passion these men have for their country to know Father & step into their identity as sons.  This Thursday (tomorrow) all 25 of us are going into the bush bush for 3 days together to show the Jesus film to a remote village in their native tongue & share the love of Jesus.  I can't wait :).  Please be praying for us. It will be a powerful time where Father brings freedom & darkness flees in the name of Jesus from people it's had a hold on.  Along with all of this, last week was full of stretching.  Father has encountered me in powerful & precious ways already & has revealed things to me in my own heart that needed some tweaking.  A nearly 3 month trip is very different mentally from a 2 week mission trip.  2 week-ers are wonderful & life changing but when it comes down to it one can do almost anything for 2 weeks because you know "home" is around the corner.  Mentally, you're aware that comfort is coming.  The mental adjusting here was challenging because my mind knew all these changes were going to be here for 10 weeks.  You don't feel like you're adjusting temporarily, you feel like its more permanent.  All the more reason to learn to submit your soul to your spirit that is seated in heavenly places in all things!  As this last week progressed the weather got hotter & hotter, the water worked less & less & I continued to get dirtier & dirtier.

Here's an example (& yes it may sound petty as first but hang tight for the lesson learned)- At home in the states I like to feel clean- especially before going to bed.  It's a comfort to me.  Here in Pemba, it is absolutely impossible to feel clean for more than 10 minutes after a wash.  Sweat & dirt jump right back on you.  Since we have very little & unpredictable access to running water, if I want to be clean before bed a bucket shower is the only way to make that happen.  This isn't bad, just a little inconvenient but I hadn't yet washed my hair with a bucket shower.  I felt certain water would come on before long & I'd just wait to wash my hair until then but by day 5 of dirty hair & hoping, I felt so nasty that I couldn't wait any longer for running water to take a comfortable shower.  A bucket hair wash was going to happen & would continue to happen for 9 more weeks.  Yes it sounds trivial but any woman with longer hair can imagine what it is like to have 2-3 bottles of water to use for washing your hair & body ( to cover washing & rinsing). It's tricky at first!

Last Thursday evening I was headed back to my bunk house with one more round of high hope that the water would be on.  This was also divinely appointed to be the day I felt the dirtiest & most homesick so far.  I thought I just wanted to feel cool & clean for a minute but that wasn't what the real issue was.  Really I was grasping for some small thing that would make me feel like I had a comfort of home.  I can handle the food, the heat, the unfamiliarities, but can a girl get a shower please!? Surely the water would be on for 5 minutes!  Upon my return to the house my hopes went down the drain with one twist of a shower knob.  Not a drop.  I actually started to cry, crouched down in the bathroom holding my towel.  All of my homesickness & adjustment exhaustion came out in tears.  It was at that very moment that I heard Father say "If you never got to shower at all for the next 10 weeks, would you still keep your joy? If you didn't have one single comfort would you still seek to love on these people with everything in you?" It hit me-the Holy Ouch :/  "Oh Father, I see now & I'm so sorry.  This whole time I've been focusing on the dirt instead of letting you teach me to be blind to it."  Up until this point I'd been "doing" the stuff I was supposed to do- loving, serving, trying to be Jesus' hands, seeking Father but the whole time in the back of my mind I'd been focused on the "dirt" I was in & I looked forward to when I could run wash it off each day to maintain some feeling of home & comfort.  Papa sweetly & firmly reminded me that this was the entirely wrong approach.  I didn't come here to run from the dirt, I came here to LIVE in it.  When you are running from something, it's all you notice in a completely negative way.  When you are living in something, you find joy in it.  There in the bathroom corner, Papa shifted my paradigm on what is means to live in the dirt & something big broke off of me in that moment.  I found a new freedom in not being restricted by "dirt".  I proceeded to take my bucket shower & wash my hair with joy & when I was done I felt cleaner than I had all week.  I bet you can guess what happened next...the water came back on 10 minutes after I was done :)

The next day I got absolutely filthy carrying 50 lb bags of rice & beans to divide up for 325 families to eat.  I got bitten by ants repeatedly, my clothes turned brown, & I had sneezing fits all day because of the dust from the bags of beans & ended up catching a cold that lasted 3 days but I loved that day!  I've been reminded that I didn't come here to be clean.  I came here to do life & live, no matter how different it feels from what I was used to before.  After all, isn't that what Jesus did for us?  He left his home to come live in our dirt for us & He did it with complete patience & joy.  What an honor to be given a teeny tiny portion of that.  Papa broke the lens off of my eyes that night that was causing me to see dirt, & now he's made me blind to it.  I don't see it anymore.  I'm fully here & I can go to bed with dirty feet & a smile on my face.

He's given me so much new grace.  When I don't want to be hot, when I feel the effects of living with 10 wonderful girls in a very small 2room/1bathroom house, when I don't want to use a latrine, when I don't want to be around 300 people, I realize it's not the circumstance that needs to change, it's my heart that needs change.  I discover a new place where I need grace & Daddy gives it to me abundantly.  Anytime we feel that twinge in our heart when something rubs us the wrong way, if we're paying attention we will usually find that it is an opportunity for Father to show us a new area where we have room for more grace.  He gives it freely & generously, so take advantage.  It is beautifully freeing & you'll notice the "dirt" around you start to disappear.

That's the peek into my last week for now friends!  Thank you for taking time to keep up with me & interceding for me :) Once more, pray for us as we prep to go on our bush bush trip tomorrow!  Pray Father's kingdom down on the village we will enter, pray chains & bonds are broken over peoples lives as they encounter the love of Jesus. Freedom reigns.  Love you all.  I'll catch you next week!

Hugs & Blessings,
Maddie