Hear Him Say "I Love You"

I want to share something that the Lord spoke to me so clearly last week in hopes of it being an encouragement to any of you who might find yourself in the position I found myself in. As part of my time with Jesus each day lately, I’m reading through the gospels in the evenings. I’ll be honest, and I’m a little ashamed to say, I can’t remember the last time I’ve read straight through any of the gospels. I wanted to see all accounts of Jesus’ time on earth in all 4 gospels. I mainly wanted to dive into the life of my Savior and be reminded of how he lived his daily life, the passion that he had for loving people & showing them life in Him, and the righteous hatred and intolerance he had for Satan’s meager efforts to thwart His will on earth. It has been absolutely amazing. As I began in Matthew, I was having a blast journeying through his life, the miracles he worked, and the power that He had over evil. I was loving every minute of walking right along side him, feeling like one of the disciples. This had been a journey of intimacy with him, feeling more and more intimate with him with each turn of a page. I love him so much! Then, I neared the end of Matthew and I found myself in a bit of a situation…

I got to Matthew 27, and this begins the account of the last supper, Jesus’ arrest, and his crucifixion. I was ok through the last supper, made it through Jesus’ prayers in the garden, and then when Matthew began to describe Jesus’ arrest, it hit me…this feeling in my heart and my gut that I couldn’t shake. I couldn’t read any further. I didn’t want to read any further. Here I had spent the last 26 chapters growing in intimacy with Jesus and loving every step of it, and now I had to go through seeing Him tortured, beaten, and broken beyond comprehension. I just couldn’t get over the feeling in my chest.

So I decided to talk to Him about it & work through it. I began by stating “Jesus, I don’t really want to read this. I don’t want to see in detail what you went through. It hurts me to see it. “ I felt him reply, “You need to read it baby girl (that’s what he calls me). You need to know what I went through. You can’t ignore it under the excuse that you don’t want to hear it.” I sat Bible in my lap and tears began to well up. I replied to him, “But it hurts me to see you hurt. Not only is it horrible seeing you hurt, but on top of that, knowing it was my sin that caused it. My sin put you there.” I started to begin apologizing (just because I didn’t know what else to do). I know I’m fully forgiven, and his death is what made that possible, but I was still sorry that it had to result in so much pain for him. Before I could even utter an “I’m so sorry Jesus” He cut me off and said “Don’t you even go there with it young lady. Don’t you see how I see? YOU didn’t put me there in that pain. SIN put me there. I see you COMPLETELY separate from any sin. Because you are in me now, you are blameless. You are clean. You are holy. Don’t you dare go and try to blame yourself for that when that’s exactly what I died to set you free from! By allowing yourself to sit there feeling guilty you’re putting a spirit of condemnation on yourself and aren’t living in the freedom I died to give you. YOU didn’t do that to me. Sin did that, and you no longer live under sin and condemnation, you live under me, my love and my freedom.” (See Romans 8)
Holy moly, at this point I was on my sofa sobbing. I responded “OK, I’ll read, but I need you to help me because it still bothers me to see your pain.” And LISTEN TO WHAT HE SAID…(this absolutely broke and rocked me) He replied to me “OK, here’s what I want you to do. Begin reading, and every time you get to a description of my pain that makes you want to flinch or turn away, hear me say ‘I LOVE YOU’ and keep reading.” I lost it. Tears were streaming down my face, nose running all over the place, it was an interesting sight, lol. I decided that for every time I heard him say “I love you” I would say it out loud back to him. So I began…

“Then they spit in his face and struck him with their fists. Others slapped him”

“Madison, I love you”

Pilate said “What shall I do, then, with Jesus who is called the Messiah?” They all answered, “Crucify him!”

“Madison, I love you”

“They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, and then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on his head. They put a staff in his right hand. Then they knelt in front of him and mocked him. “Hail, king of the Jews!” they said. They spit on him, and took the staff and struck him on the head again and again.”

“Madison, I LOVE YOU”…

This dialogue between us continued until I was done reading. Instead of coming out of it feeling guilty, responsible, or condemned, I felt absolutely and overwhelmingly loved. That is, after all, the intended message of the cross. He died to show us his love and set us free. Sin causes our death just like it caused his. He doesn’t want us to feel responsible, He wants us to live a life that claims the power of what he died for…rescue from sins power and victory over the death it brings. If you’re feeling guilty from your past or ever feel like your past has made you inadequate or undeserving of future blessings, you need to stop the moment you feel that spirit of condemnation and claim Jesus’ all-freeing & overwhelming love for you. Satan wants us to live under guilt and condemnation, but it is a lie. Everything he speaks is a lie. We are not condemned, and we have no reason for guilt because in Christ we are whole and pure. If you struggle with guilt or condemnation over anything I challenge you to begin now learning to rebuke it and not let Satan keep you under it. Satan wins when you let yourself live under guilt. Break out of it through claiming the power of Jesus love and the righteousness he has already given you. If you feel inclined, take that journey through Jesus’ crucifixion like I did and let him talk you through it. Hear him speak over you how much He loves you. Say it out loud. I promise you will come out of it feeling loved like never before. It is the message that the cross cries out. Its the message He desperately wants you to hear. Do you hear Him? He died so you could hear Him saying it. “I love you.”