Weddings, New Family, & Anointed Dance Parties

Last Friday morning, Zach & I jumped in the car to head down to Savannah, GA for the weekend to celebrate the marriage of two of his friends that he met last Fall at Iris Ministries’- Harvest School of Missions.  For those of you who have never heard of Iris Ministries or Harvest School before, it is a school of missions in Pemba, Mozambique (Africa) where Jesus is glorified, the Holy Spirit moves freely & wildly, Father’s kingdom invades earth in a big way & dark places are taken back for his name’s sake.  The supernatural is the norm there…from healings, to food multiplying &  gold dust & diamonds appearing on the floor in worship.  Its easy to get caught up in the “wow” factor of that, but the school exists to glorify Jesus & to show people the love of a Father who is crazy about them…in any way he chooses to show it.

I had been stoked for weeks about this wedding.  Its funny to say that about a wedding for 2 people that you’ve never met, but I knew that Zach’s friends from Pemba would be coming from across the world to be there & I was going to get to meet them. I’d heard amazing stories about them & I knew in my spirit that I would love them immediately.  I felt like I already knew them.

When we arrived, we walked up to one giant family reunion.  The wedding took place on a beautiful lake at a camp-ground just outside of Savannah (where John Wesley had preached in the 1800s no less...come on now!)  and most of the out of town Harvest School students were all staying together in a cabin.  When I met them, it took about 10 seconds with a few hugs & I was at home, both in my heart & my spirit.  It was instant family that I felt closer to in a few minutes than I do to many people I’ve known for 20 years.  Only Jesus can do that.  Below are three of them: Karla, Stephanie & Megan.  As soon as I met these girls, I knew I’d met sisters that I’d be connected to for life.  Thank you Jesus!  They are incredibly beautiful & beautifully incredible.

It was non-stop celebration, worship & love all weekend.  Friday night, we had a spontaneous worship party where all 20+ of us piled into the living room of the cabin with a guitar, a djembe & our voices & worshipped for hours that felt like minutes.  “You are good, you are holy, you are worthy”…”In every season of my soul I will sing & bless the Lord, Oh my soul”…”I am a lion of the tribe of Judah, hear my roar,  his name is Jesus-my roar”  We danced, sang, danced some more, ministered to each other & the presence of the King came in to be with us.  His presence was so thick in that place that you could feel it surrounding you, overwhelming you,  & pouring out of you.  It was heaven in a living room.

Saturday was amazing.  Their ceremony was a beautiful picture of Christ & his church.  When you saw Josh & Rachael, you saw Jesus & his bride.  The reception was so full of joy that you couldn’t stand to be still.  I think that’s just how it will be when we celebrate at the wedding feast of Jesus (If we can stay standing at all).  We were bouncing around like jumping beans & dancing the whole time.  We were an exhausted, stinky, lovely, sweaty mess by the end of it.  When it came time to say good-bye & head back to Greenville, my heart pinged with a little sadness.  I felt like I’d only had 2 days with people I’d just fallen in love with.  I’m so thankful for friendships in the spirit that you can be confident will remain over the years to come.  Those are the deepest & strongest friendships you can have.  I was so blessed by those friends & can’t wait to see how Father connects us all in the future.  Zach said it well when we were driving away toward Greenville…”I feel like I just left home”.  If any of you are reading this, I love you & miss you already!  Please come visit Greenville soon.  Can’t wait to see how Papa brings us back together J

Name Calling

This is going to be a little bit of a confession.  Let’s admit it, from time to time, we all get into “funks” with the Lord as we grow.  It feels like you lose your peace & like there’s distance between the two of you but you can’t quite put your finger on why.  Well, I found myself there 2 weeks ago & it was pissing me off.  (Yep, I said it)  I hate that feeling!  I know the intimacy with Father that He’s given me access to through Jesus.  It is precious to me.  Now, I knew He hadn’t moved at all, so by deductive reasoning, if there is a feeling of silence, I’m probably the one that’s moved J

I was lying in my bed on a Tuesday & I was just ready for this "funk" to end.  I'd tried praying through it, done everything I could think of & I didn't know what else to do.  I decided to tell the Lord about it & started off with something like this: “Abba, what is going on?  I miss you!  I’m not hearing you like normal.  Father, this is so frustrating!  I’m done with this…”  and before I could even continue on with my sassy prayer He interrupted me and said-

“Do you hear what you just called me?”

Me: __________  (When he asks you a rhetorical question, you know its gonna be good)

Him: “ You just threw out names that sound nice: “Father” & even an “Abba”.  (Nice touch)  But how about you lose the scripted attempts for intimacy & call me something that makes you a little uncomfortable - “Daddy”. 

Me:  (Speechless)

It was the most uncomfortably perfect answer.  I realized the emotional attachments I had to the names I’d used for him weren’t intimate.  They were pseudo-intimate names I’d grown familiar with using. “Father”-  a little better than “Lord”...sounds sweet at first but its like you’re addressing a dad you’ve never met.  “Abba” – making progress.  This is “Da-Da” in Hebrew, & its what Jesus called Him, but He knew that for me, there was no emotional connection to that word.  I’m not Hebrew!  I was repeating what I’d heard others use hoping that I would continue to find intimacy in it.

“Daddy” – now that was one that was uncomfortably intimate.  I don’t even call my earthly Father “daddy”.  Its usually “dad” - a little more grown up & less vulnerable sounding.  Obviously, then, “daddy” was exactly what He would want me to call him.  It was as vulnerable, childish & needy sounding as I could get.  It made complete sense.  I awkwardly said out loud “OK Daddy.  I’m not calling you anything but that until you tell me otherwise.”  And just like that, I felt His presence all over me.

To call someone by an intimate name even when you aren’t feeling close can feel awkward, but the act of doing it is what helps restore the intimacy.  It was just what I needed from Him & it brought me right back into his lap.  What do you think?  Is there a new name for you to call Him?  Ask Him, & then push through the uncomfortable feelings.  He longs for you to press into closeness with Him.  Intimacy waits on the other side of the awkwardness.  Sometimes He wants to know if we will push through for it, so find that name that makes you feel childishly uncomfortable & say it.  You might be surprised at what you find, & in this case-He'll appreciate your name calling.

Give it a rest

We’ve all had it… the post vacation blues that hit us the Monday morning after our return. I had to give my self a major pep rally to get out of bed yesterday.  This past weekend, I came home from a 5 day beach vacation in Litchfield.  My boyfriend & his sweet family let me come along with them on their annual Litchfield beach week (appropriately hash tagged #brinsonbeachweek on all IG pics).  It was full of sun soaking, naps in hammocks, ice cream, day-dates with my man, ocean kayaking, & seashell collecting.  Amidst all of that, I was reminded that when all agendas, “to-do” lists, alarms telling me when to do something & pressure to cram 1500 things into one day are removed, there is sand to stick your toes in & rest to be had!

Rest is something that is hard for me to naturally come by.  I have to be intentional about it.  I’m an achiever.  I get stuff done.  I pride myself on cramming more into a day than most people can fit into a week.  Zach jokingly says, I only waist time if I’ve intentionally planned to waste time.  In my early 20s, I thought this was a fantastic approach to life.  After all, being a young single woman trying to make it in the world is demanding!  The more you can do, the further you’ll get, right?  Nope!  While there is some truth to that thought, it will kill you if you live by it.  I learned that the hard way.

Father continues to teach me that rest is the environment in which He does everything.  “Lovers get a lot more done than workers”.  When we learn to live in a state of rest with him, we’ll find that we get a lot more done on accident through loving Him than we ever could with a “do-er” mentality.  You see, He’s not concerned with what we can “do”, nor do we have to prove ourselves to Him.  He’s concerned with us realizing who we are & how we love & release His kingdom on earth in our everyday lives.  It sounds simple, but it’s taken me a while to let that sink in. 

Make time for your rest.  Value & prioritize it.  It is vital to maintaining your peace & staying in sync with Father’s rhythm.  He waits for you in rest.  Take it from a girl who’s learned the hard way:  it’s so much better to rest with Father, even if it means not getting to some things on your list.  You might even find that you didn’t really need to have them on there in the first place J  Father is excellent at trading burdens for rest.  “Come to me all you who are weary & burdened & I will give you rest.”  Matt 11:28  Take a risk, leave that last thing on your list undone & give it a rest.

Allow me to re-introduce myself

My name isn't HOV, its still Madison but after a 21 month sabbatical I thought a re-introduction might be necessary. Once upon a time, I was the poster child for a "Type-A Realist" - head out of the clouds, trying to out-plan life, always prepared, never taken by surprise....it was exhausting. I finally came to a turning point where Father showed me how good He wanted to be if I would step out of the way. I'd have too many stories to share if I were to tell you all the ways He's been transforming my life into one that is more full of Him and His Kingdom, but let me say that most of the transformation hasn't been in my circumstances, it's been in my heart. After some dying to myself & pitching a few fits along the way- my joy runs deeper, my peace is more abiding, I'm stepping more in line with my calling & all of this is because my relationship with Father has gone to levels I didn't know I could access.

Its been a significant 2 years of pulling away fears & replacing them with faith. Father took my orphan heart who felt she always had to work to provide for & protect herself, & he replaced it with the heart of a daughter (probably not always the most tame one). He's given me a life that is more than anything I could ever have planned for myself. Its full of joy, love, lessons, adventure, & purpose that is perfectly in line with who he has created me to be. I hope this is a place that you will visit often, feel His love, find encouragement to do the extraordinary & live your fairy tale. I'm looking forward to sharing mine with you!

Learning styles

Here's what I was reminded of today...Learning ABOUT something and learning FROM something are two very different things. Both will give knowledge of a subject, but the way that the knowledge is acquired and the depth to which it sinks into us are very different with the two. When we learn ABOUT something, it usually implies that we are receiving knowledge through a second party source. Someone tells us the things we need to know and we “learn” through that person. We don’t experience anything first hand, we simply learn what someone else has told us.

Learning FROM something is very different. When you learn from something, it means you have to have been IN something and as you came out FROM it you have acquired new knowledge from the experience or relationship. Knowledge gained by learning FROM something runs much deeper that learning ABOUT something. The lesson becomes part of you rather than just facts you can rattle off.

As we desire to grow in our walks with God and seek to know him more, often we try to look at godly people around us and try to copy and compare ourselves to them. Don’t get me wrong, having mentors and being surrounded by people who can pour into us and we can learn from is absolutely necessary in our walks. What I am saying is this: don't let yourself try to piggy back on other peoples walks with Christ and skirt around making your own. You will never learn anything but facts that way. There is a danger in trying to copy other’s walks because we will inevitably begin to compare ourselves to them and if we feel we’re not “getting it” like they are, we will begin striving. The Lord never wants us to strive. When we begin to strive, it is a sign that we are focusing more on a person or a task rather than on him. Here is what I felt like he said…

“Stop looking around you. Stop striving to be like this picture you’ve created in your mind that you feel you need to be. I create the picture, not you. You are not the creator, I am. You focus on soaking in my love for you and what I speak to you and your beautiful picture will come together. You can’t teach yourself. I have to teach you, so LET me.”

We can read books and listen to sermons all day long, but until we walk in a relationship with Father where we hear HIS voice speak to us, no other voices matter. That may be a good starting point to get us on our feet but there has to come a time in our walk where we are learning directly FROM Father himself, not from what other people say about him. As we experience him for ourselves and allow him to teach us, we will learn FROM him things we could have never learned ABOUT him from someone else. He is a God who loves to reveal himself to us and he wants to teach us! As we learn to hear his voice and let him teach us, we will find ourselves being able to pass what we’ve learned along to someone else who is getting to the point where they are being taken from learning about him to learning from him.

“All your children will by taught by the Lord, and great will be their peace.” – Isaiah 54:13

Hear Him Say "I Love You"

I want to share something that the Lord spoke to me so clearly last week in hopes of it being an encouragement to any of you who might find yourself in the position I found myself in. As part of my time with Jesus each day lately, I’m reading through the gospels in the evenings. I’ll be honest, and I’m a little ashamed to say, I can’t remember the last time I’ve read straight through any of the gospels. I wanted to see all accounts of Jesus’ time on earth in all 4 gospels. I mainly wanted to dive into the life of my Savior and be reminded of how he lived his daily life, the passion that he had for loving people & showing them life in Him, and the righteous hatred and intolerance he had for Satan’s meager efforts to thwart His will on earth. It has been absolutely amazing. As I began in Matthew, I was having a blast journeying through his life, the miracles he worked, and the power that He had over evil. I was loving every minute of walking right along side him, feeling like one of the disciples. This had been a journey of intimacy with him, feeling more and more intimate with him with each turn of a page. I love him so much! Then, I neared the end of Matthew and I found myself in a bit of a situation…

I got to Matthew 27, and this begins the account of the last supper, Jesus’ arrest, and his crucifixion. I was ok through the last supper, made it through Jesus’ prayers in the garden, and then when Matthew began to describe Jesus’ arrest, it hit me…this feeling in my heart and my gut that I couldn’t shake. I couldn’t read any further. I didn’t want to read any further. Here I had spent the last 26 chapters growing in intimacy with Jesus and loving every step of it, and now I had to go through seeing Him tortured, beaten, and broken beyond comprehension. I just couldn’t get over the feeling in my chest.

So I decided to talk to Him about it & work through it. I began by stating “Jesus, I don’t really want to read this. I don’t want to see in detail what you went through. It hurts me to see it. “ I felt him reply, “You need to read it baby girl (that’s what he calls me). You need to know what I went through. You can’t ignore it under the excuse that you don’t want to hear it.” I sat Bible in my lap and tears began to well up. I replied to him, “But it hurts me to see you hurt. Not only is it horrible seeing you hurt, but on top of that, knowing it was my sin that caused it. My sin put you there.” I started to begin apologizing (just because I didn’t know what else to do). I know I’m fully forgiven, and his death is what made that possible, but I was still sorry that it had to result in so much pain for him. Before I could even utter an “I’m so sorry Jesus” He cut me off and said “Don’t you even go there with it young lady. Don’t you see how I see? YOU didn’t put me there in that pain. SIN put me there. I see you COMPLETELY separate from any sin. Because you are in me now, you are blameless. You are clean. You are holy. Don’t you dare go and try to blame yourself for that when that’s exactly what I died to set you free from! By allowing yourself to sit there feeling guilty you’re putting a spirit of condemnation on yourself and aren’t living in the freedom I died to give you. YOU didn’t do that to me. Sin did that, and you no longer live under sin and condemnation, you live under me, my love and my freedom.” (See Romans 8)
Holy moly, at this point I was on my sofa sobbing. I responded “OK, I’ll read, but I need you to help me because it still bothers me to see your pain.” And LISTEN TO WHAT HE SAID…(this absolutely broke and rocked me) He replied to me “OK, here’s what I want you to do. Begin reading, and every time you get to a description of my pain that makes you want to flinch or turn away, hear me say ‘I LOVE YOU’ and keep reading.” I lost it. Tears were streaming down my face, nose running all over the place, it was an interesting sight, lol. I decided that for every time I heard him say “I love you” I would say it out loud back to him. So I began…

“Then they spit in his face and struck him with their fists. Others slapped him”

“Madison, I love you”

Pilate said “What shall I do, then, with Jesus who is called the Messiah?” They all answered, “Crucify him!”

“Madison, I love you”

“They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, and then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on his head. They put a staff in his right hand. Then they knelt in front of him and mocked him. “Hail, king of the Jews!” they said. They spit on him, and took the staff and struck him on the head again and again.”

“Madison, I LOVE YOU”…

This dialogue between us continued until I was done reading. Instead of coming out of it feeling guilty, responsible, or condemned, I felt absolutely and overwhelmingly loved. That is, after all, the intended message of the cross. He died to show us his love and set us free. Sin causes our death just like it caused his. He doesn’t want us to feel responsible, He wants us to live a life that claims the power of what he died for…rescue from sins power and victory over the death it brings. If you’re feeling guilty from your past or ever feel like your past has made you inadequate or undeserving of future blessings, you need to stop the moment you feel that spirit of condemnation and claim Jesus’ all-freeing & overwhelming love for you. Satan wants us to live under guilt and condemnation, but it is a lie. Everything he speaks is a lie. We are not condemned, and we have no reason for guilt because in Christ we are whole and pure. If you struggle with guilt or condemnation over anything I challenge you to begin now learning to rebuke it and not let Satan keep you under it. Satan wins when you let yourself live under guilt. Break out of it through claiming the power of Jesus love and the righteousness he has already given you. If you feel inclined, take that journey through Jesus’ crucifixion like I did and let him talk you through it. Hear him speak over you how much He loves you. Say it out loud. I promise you will come out of it feeling loved like never before. It is the message that the cross cries out. Its the message He desperately wants you to hear. Do you hear Him? He died so you could hear Him saying it. “I love you.”

Victory is our Heritage

Victory is our Heritage… I can’t help but notice that so many of us are feeling attacked right now in different areas of life as we are seeking Gods will. They could be financial struggles, relational struggles, job struggles, anything that is weighing on your heart and attempting to steal your joy and your victory that you have in Christ. 

Attacks do two main things: attempt to keep us from doing Gods will or discourage us after we’ve done His will so we will be less likely to do it again soon. Satan loves to attack us in the areas that he sees us seeking to be obedient to God’s call for us. For instance, if you’ve heard the Lord calling you to do something bold financially for Him and you are obedient and do it, Satan is going to try to attack your finances after you do to make you doubt your obedience and doubt God’s provision for you. Maybe it’s relational. You know God has placed some one in your life strategically for you to love and be a witness to, and when Satan sees that you are being intentional in your friendship with them, he is going to attack that friendship and let things come between you and that person God has placed in your life. Maybe it’s direct straight up spiritual battles. You can sense the enemy attacking you directly and its wearing you out. 

Fighting is exhausting even when you win. Its ok to feel tired, but don’t let it overwhelm you. Tell God you’re exhausted and rest in your King and let him rebuild your strength and fight for you. Attacks come in all shapes and sizes, (bad attitudes, worry, stress, fear, doubt, second guessing God’s will etc etc etc) but the important thing is to recognize them for what they are, and determine NOT to let the enemy win the battle! When we learn to recognize we are in a battle, that is the first step to winning it. (Hello! You can’t fight if you don’t know you’re in a battle!) Romans 8:37 says “..In ALL these things we are MORE than conquerors through Him who loved us.” (My emphasis added) We are PROMISED victory in Christ, but we can’t access that victory if we don’t know when we’re in a battle and need to fight! Learn to recognize your attacks, and then claim the victory you have. Victory is not a possibility, it is an absolute for those of us who are in Christ. We never have to doubt that. Doubting our victory is only weakening our faith, and that is not what Christ died for us to do. Claim it and then fight that battle like you know you’ve already won! 

Here is the scripture that God brought to my attention regarding these battles we all feel like we’ve been fighting… Isaiah 54:13-17 "All your sons will be taught by the LORD, and great will be your children’s peace. In righteousness you will be established: Tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come near you. If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing; whoever attacks you will surrender to you.  'See, it is I who created the blacksmith who fans the coals into flame and forges a weapon fit for its work. And it is I who have created the destroyer to work havoc; no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me,' declares the LORD."

These verses comfort me and get me excited! When we are in Gods will and are seeking Him, we always have the victory. The Lord HIMSELF teaches us. That is huge. The God of creation loves us and wants victory so much for us, that He himself comes to teach us and fight with us. When we allow ourselves to be taught by him, abundant peace is guaranteed. As he teaches us and we learn, we will be “established in righteousness”. When we are attacked, we have nothing to fear. Fear comes from being uncertain of the outcome of the battle, but we have confidence in Christ.  “Who ever attacks will surrender to you.” The word surrender implies that not only was the enemy conquered, but when we rose to fight, he knew he had no chance against us and gave up! That’s why he was not only defeated, but he surrendered. Our enemy is afraid of the power we have in Christ. 

Finally, God promises that NO weapon forged against us will prevail. You are born into victory when you are in Christ because his victory on the cross is passed down to you! Victory is our heritage! You don’t fight alone or in weakness. You fight in Christ and with power. God promises it. Rejoice in it! Fight with it!