Pemba Update 1-So far, SO good!

I've only been here 4 days but I'm already smitten with Pemba & sick of rice :)  It's hot & dirty & wonderful. The environment that's been created at the school base is amazing.  There is complete freedom here to be exactly who you are & who you know Father is calling you to be.  You feel like you are coming more & more into yourself with each day.  I already feel completely at home here-like this is what my heart has longed for & it was at rest immediately upon arriving. Complete peace, joy, & right identity abound all the time on campus & you can feel it being carried with us when we leave.   I've even found a bunch of fitness fans to work out with in the mornings!  He loves giving us the little things :) It's so good.

The campus is a beautiful & is much nicer than I was expecting! We have a toilet AND a shower that work when the water is working, praise Jesus.  The only hang up is that the power & running water shut off regularly at random, so we keep 2 big barrels of water on hand for showers/washing & there are squatty pottys available in lieu of toilets (see what I did there?). There's only a 50/50 chance that we'll have water on any given moment  & it can go off for weeks so we take it with thanks one wash at a time :) (Literally, I've found myself thanking Jesus every morning when the water works for me to wash my face)

I'm crazy about my house (House 5 for you veterans) & my family of girls already. There are 10 of us & we're from all over the globe- Canada, Finland, Brazil, England, Mexico & 3 of us are from the States.  Our house mom is Carol from Brazil, & she overflowed with love for us from the moment she met each of us.  She's such a comforter & encourager.  I couldn't have asked for a better group of sisters to do life with over the next 2.5 months.

Classes start on Monday & we will get into the full swing of morning & evening sessions next week.  There is a small village directly behind our base that we are free to visit any time & there are tons of kids who live there and love for us to come play with them.  I went for the first time today & was reminded that love doesn't look like a common language. It looks like laughing, being silly & cleaning wounds on kids feet.  It was a blast.

Here's a few fun facts about Pemba I've learned so far...
- The sun sets at 5pm & rises around 4:30am (Good Morning Sunshine)
- when there is no glass in the windows, the Muslim call to prayer at 3am out side the base will wake you up every night.
- If you forget to check the time zone on your phone to see if it synced to Pemba from Tanzania time you will wake up an hour earlier than you think you did & work out at 4:00 in the morning instead of 5:00.  Nice!  I needed a nap by 11am.
- It will get to be around 120° in November (Holy heat stroke!)
- I ate my first fish head for dinner on Friday
- Peanut butter is currently our hottest commodity
- One day feels like a week - the pace of life is slow & wonderful. Rest comes easy
- If you know a little Spanish, Portuguese is very confusing to pick up!

That's all for today folks!  Nothing deep, just an intro to the practical side of life here. I hope to check back in with you next weekend!  Love to you all!!

What exactly are you doing in Mozambique??

I've had several people ask, so this post is for a little peak.  For those of you who would much prefer to see a video of where I'm doing in Mozambique instead of read about it- this post is for you :)  Here it is...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tH51jzCwxlw

You can read more about what I'll be doing in the first paragraph of the post below.  I'm at the final count down...6 days & some change.  I feel like I'm Lucy about to enter The Wardrobe.  Its a crazy, wild, wonderful, overwhelming, surreal & humbling thought all at once to know Father has decided its my time to go.  One of the things I love that Mama Heidi (Heidi Baker who founded Iris Ministries & Harvest School) says about her life & minisrty is this: "Anyone that discovers who He (Jesus) is would give everything for him.  He's the pearl of great price.  He's the lover of our soul.  He's beauty itself.  There is absolutely nothing, nothing extroridinary about me.  I'm nothing at all, but He's captured my heart.  Its Him, He's the one.  He's so lovely, He's so beautiful, He's so amazing that what else could you do?  What other response could you have?"  I can't add anything to that.  She said it perfectly, so that's it for today :)

She showed me Kingdom Giving

In order to be able to share this story I need to give you a little back info first-
For those who don't know, 4 weeks ago Father told me to quit my job, drop my plans & move to Mozambique Africa for almost 3 months to attend a school called the Harvest School of Missions with Iris Ministries.  I leave in a week & a half (yikes!)  It is an amazing place where people are equipped for international missions & ministry.  Jesus is glorified above all else, & their main mission is to love people into an encounter with Him.   The supernatural is a normal part of life there.  They see the deaf hear, food multiply, the lame walk & more on a daily basis. The power of Father is at work in mighty ways there & I am so honored to be able to go be a part of what He is doing as I'm more equipped to move forward in His calling on me.  For the last 4 weeks I've been busy getting things ready to go & trying to raise a substantial amount of money to cover the costs of this adventure.   The generosity that has been poured out on me while I fund raise has been amazing.  I had almost $6,500 to raise, & now with a week to go, I only need $2,400 more.  People have blown me away with their eagerness to give & be "senders".  Father has been SO sweet to me in all of my preparations, & this story is one of the testimonies of that...

Since finding out I was leaving, I've been trying to see friends who are dear to me over lunches & dinners before I head out.   Last week I got to have dinner with an amazing friend that we will call "E".  E is one of those friends who you are connected with in your spirit.  You can go months even years with out seeing each other but when you get back together you just pick right up.  Those friends are rare & precious.  She is also living life in full time ministry so she knows the lessons to be learned in being supported by Father for your income & provision.   I was sharing with her about how my preparations for leaving & fund raising had been going & how faithful The Lord had been to me.  He had been providing just what I needed right when I needed it but I still had several thousand dollars to raise.  She started sharing with me testimony after testimony of how The Lord had provided for her & her family over the years.  Her stories so encouraged my heart & reminded us both of The Lord's commitment to make the way for our obedience to him.

She shared her most recent story of provision that had just taken place the night before we had this dinner.   She was helping lead worship for a bible study group & they surprised her in taking up a love offering for her.   Through that offering The Lord provided more than what she needed to cover her expenses for the month.  She had such peace in living from provision moment to provision moment with The Lord & it so encouraged me to see that in her.  She was content to wait on Him to provide because she was 110% confident that he always would.

In sharing her story she had already encouraged my faith, but then she went a step further & reached into her wallet & pulled out all the money she had left over from that offering after paying her bills.   "Here, this is for you. I don't even know how much it is but The Lord gave me more than what I needed last night so now I can give it to you."   I was overwhelmed.   She could have easily taken that & gone on a nice little shopping spree, gotten herself a spa day, saved it for next months bills or any number of things that a girl would love to enjoy doing.  Instead, however, she chose to joyfully exemplify what it looks like to live out kingdom giving & love for a sister.  Father met her needs & she was so confident in his goodness & faithfulness that she felt no need to hang on to the "extra".  She kept her hand open to Father & did what he asked with what he gave her, even when that meant giving it away.  It did so much more than help me with my financial support.   It powerfully reminded me of what community with Father looks like.  We receive what we need & give the rest away because we know we have a Daddy who will never let us go without.  Her rest in his love was contagious, her generous heart was humbling, & she looked like Jesus to me in that moment.

This was a week ago & it still stirs my heart.  I know her only intention was to love me & be obedient to what she heard Father say, but what it did for me was challenge me to practice more kingdom giving in my own life.   When we all can learn to live open handed, like E, we allow The Lord to not only meet our own needs but to use us to provide for others because He trusts us to assist in meeting the needs of our family.  This is his plan for community.  He wants to see his family care for each other.  It is easy to give out of security, but when we give away what could easily be used on our own needs he always shows off his goodness to us.  My challenge to you is the same one that was issued to my heart last week- look for your next opportunity to practice kingdom giving, not when it is comfortable but when it is obedient.  It may not necessarily look like a financial sacrifice.  It may look like time, talents, or emotional support but what ever it is, you can bet that if you follow Fathers lead he will give it back to you " ...a good measure pressed down, shaken together & running over." -Luke 6:38

SHAMELESS PLUG- If you'd like to help me get that last $2,400 covered, you can give on line at www.wearecitychurch.com/give - follow the prompts, select "short term missions" in the drop down box next to your donation amount & put "Madison Hopkins Mozambique" in the "notes" section.  Thank you!

Killing & Kissing

Over that last 4-5 weeks I’d been progressively feeling more & more off my game emotionally & spiritually.  What was my deal?  My plate is a little fuller than normal so at first I thought it was me coping with extra stress poorly.  However, the more I looked into it, the more I realized that wasn’t what was going on. 

I just couldn’t shake it- life was piling up, things I’d determined to do weren’t happening smoothly, & there were steps towards dreams I had hoped to take that weren’t happening.  I was trying to plan for things, but I felt like there was a roadblock at every turn I tried to make.  “Wait” seemed to be the overwhelming theme in everything I did.  My frustration had been growing, & finally last Sunday it all came out.  I spent the entire day in my pajamas, having a break down in my apartment.  (Every woman knows a good break down is needed once in a while J)  I just didn’t get it.  Everything I was trying to work towards was good.  The things my heart desired were desires that Father had birthed in me & I felt released to pursue. 

Then it hit me…I was attempting to plan for all these good things out of a desire in my flesh to feel security & I was acting like plans would provide that.  I love planning & making progress towards goals.  Plans give me a sense of stability & comfort by seeing the path that will get me to a goal.  Plans are good but not when they are rooted in fear, and that fear is precisely what the Lord wanted to get rid of in me.  I was subconsciously afraid that the desires of my heart wouldn’t come to pass, so I was seeking security in planning for them.  “If I plan, it will happen”.  That’s why Father was blocking every move I was making.  He was more concerned about my heart than my progress towards a goal.  He took me to the scripture in Hosea that says this:

“Therefore I will block her path with thorn bushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.  She will chase after her lovers (my plans) but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them.  Then she will say ‘I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.’…” –Hosea 2:6-7

What a wonderful Ouch.  The tears came falling when he took me through those verses.  Their sting brought me to a beautiful place of seeing with His eyes that what I really needed was to let my plans die & trust him with my desires.  He loves me enough to kill in me the things aren’t in line with his heart for me.  He knew I had a need to feel secure & had misidentified where that need could be met.  He wanted to kill my expectations for what security looked like so that He could show me his plan for what security is.

Now it made sense.  The entire last several weeks had been a dying process.  That fleshly desire for false security was being tested & proven lacking, so it needed to be done away with.  Naturally, when the Lord is killing something in you it hurts!  I, being the strong willed individual I am, had done a great job of resisting this & forging on in my planning, completely unaware of what Father was trying to do. Once I realized what He wanted, I had no choice but to submit to that killing.  You see, the precious thing about Father is that when he puts his finger on an area of our flesh that needs to die, as he kills IT he kisses US.  He will kill you & kiss you over & over until the job is done & when you come out of it, all of the pain of the killing was nothing compared to the kisses he gave you & the person you are now.  It is so worth it!  I will trade his killing for kissing any day (don’t hear me wrong, it still hurts!)

Maybe there is an area of your life where you’re feeling blocked at every turn.  I encourage you to press into it a little more to see if Father has his hand in there somewhere.  Is there an area where your heart’s motives aren’t matching up with his?  Welcome his killing of those places because the kisses He will give you in the process are worth it.  I’ll leave you with a song one of my friends sent to me at the perfect moment in all of this.  It was one of Fathers kisses to me & if you’re in a “dying season” like I was, I hope it encourages you.  Sing it out loud, declare it over yourself & feel his big wonderful kiss!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kM5HGSixKk  - Though You Slay Me (Shane & Shane)

Weddings, New Family, & Anointed Dance Parties

Last Friday morning, Zach & I jumped in the car to head down to Savannah, GA for the weekend to celebrate the marriage of two of his friends that he met last Fall at Iris Ministries’- Harvest School of Missions.  For those of you who have never heard of Iris Ministries or Harvest School before, it is a school of missions in Pemba, Mozambique (Africa) where Jesus is glorified, the Holy Spirit moves freely & wildly, Father’s kingdom invades earth in a big way & dark places are taken back for his name’s sake.  The supernatural is the norm there…from healings, to food multiplying &  gold dust & diamonds appearing on the floor in worship.  Its easy to get caught up in the “wow” factor of that, but the school exists to glorify Jesus & to show people the love of a Father who is crazy about them…in any way he chooses to show it.

I had been stoked for weeks about this wedding.  Its funny to say that about a wedding for 2 people that you’ve never met, but I knew that Zach’s friends from Pemba would be coming from across the world to be there & I was going to get to meet them. I’d heard amazing stories about them & I knew in my spirit that I would love them immediately.  I felt like I already knew them.

When we arrived, we walked up to one giant family reunion.  The wedding took place on a beautiful lake at a camp-ground just outside of Savannah (where John Wesley had preached in the 1800s no less...come on now!)  and most of the out of town Harvest School students were all staying together in a cabin.  When I met them, it took about 10 seconds with a few hugs & I was at home, both in my heart & my spirit.  It was instant family that I felt closer to in a few minutes than I do to many people I’ve known for 20 years.  Only Jesus can do that.  Below are three of them: Karla, Stephanie & Megan.  As soon as I met these girls, I knew I’d met sisters that I’d be connected to for life.  Thank you Jesus!  They are incredibly beautiful & beautifully incredible.

It was non-stop celebration, worship & love all weekend.  Friday night, we had a spontaneous worship party where all 20+ of us piled into the living room of the cabin with a guitar, a djembe & our voices & worshipped for hours that felt like minutes.  “You are good, you are holy, you are worthy”…”In every season of my soul I will sing & bless the Lord, Oh my soul”…”I am a lion of the tribe of Judah, hear my roar,  his name is Jesus-my roar”  We danced, sang, danced some more, ministered to each other & the presence of the King came in to be with us.  His presence was so thick in that place that you could feel it surrounding you, overwhelming you,  & pouring out of you.  It was heaven in a living room.

Saturday was amazing.  Their ceremony was a beautiful picture of Christ & his church.  When you saw Josh & Rachael, you saw Jesus & his bride.  The reception was so full of joy that you couldn’t stand to be still.  I think that’s just how it will be when we celebrate at the wedding feast of Jesus (If we can stay standing at all).  We were bouncing around like jumping beans & dancing the whole time.  We were an exhausted, stinky, lovely, sweaty mess by the end of it.  When it came time to say good-bye & head back to Greenville, my heart pinged with a little sadness.  I felt like I’d only had 2 days with people I’d just fallen in love with.  I’m so thankful for friendships in the spirit that you can be confident will remain over the years to come.  Those are the deepest & strongest friendships you can have.  I was so blessed by those friends & can’t wait to see how Father connects us all in the future.  Zach said it well when we were driving away toward Greenville…”I feel like I just left home”.  If any of you are reading this, I love you & miss you already!  Please come visit Greenville soon.  Can’t wait to see how Papa brings us back together J

Name Calling

This is going to be a little bit of a confession.  Let’s admit it, from time to time, we all get into “funks” with the Lord as we grow.  It feels like you lose your peace & like there’s distance between the two of you but you can’t quite put your finger on why.  Well, I found myself there 2 weeks ago & it was pissing me off.  (Yep, I said it)  I hate that feeling!  I know the intimacy with Father that He’s given me access to through Jesus.  It is precious to me.  Now, I knew He hadn’t moved at all, so by deductive reasoning, if there is a feeling of silence, I’m probably the one that’s moved J

I was lying in my bed on a Tuesday & I was just ready for this "funk" to end.  I'd tried praying through it, done everything I could think of & I didn't know what else to do.  I decided to tell the Lord about it & started off with something like this: “Abba, what is going on?  I miss you!  I’m not hearing you like normal.  Father, this is so frustrating!  I’m done with this…”  and before I could even continue on with my sassy prayer He interrupted me and said-

“Do you hear what you just called me?”

Me: __________  (When he asks you a rhetorical question, you know its gonna be good)

Him: “ You just threw out names that sound nice: “Father” & even an “Abba”.  (Nice touch)  But how about you lose the scripted attempts for intimacy & call me something that makes you a little uncomfortable - “Daddy”. 

Me:  (Speechless)

It was the most uncomfortably perfect answer.  I realized the emotional attachments I had to the names I’d used for him weren’t intimate.  They were pseudo-intimate names I’d grown familiar with using. “Father”-  a little better than “Lord”...sounds sweet at first but its like you’re addressing a dad you’ve never met.  “Abba” – making progress.  This is “Da-Da” in Hebrew, & its what Jesus called Him, but He knew that for me, there was no emotional connection to that word.  I’m not Hebrew!  I was repeating what I’d heard others use hoping that I would continue to find intimacy in it.

“Daddy” – now that was one that was uncomfortably intimate.  I don’t even call my earthly Father “daddy”.  Its usually “dad” - a little more grown up & less vulnerable sounding.  Obviously, then, “daddy” was exactly what He would want me to call him.  It was as vulnerable, childish & needy sounding as I could get.  It made complete sense.  I awkwardly said out loud “OK Daddy.  I’m not calling you anything but that until you tell me otherwise.”  And just like that, I felt His presence all over me.

To call someone by an intimate name even when you aren’t feeling close can feel awkward, but the act of doing it is what helps restore the intimacy.  It was just what I needed from Him & it brought me right back into his lap.  What do you think?  Is there a new name for you to call Him?  Ask Him, & then push through the uncomfortable feelings.  He longs for you to press into closeness with Him.  Intimacy waits on the other side of the awkwardness.  Sometimes He wants to know if we will push through for it, so find that name that makes you feel childishly uncomfortable & say it.  You might be surprised at what you find, & in this case-He'll appreciate your name calling.

Give it a rest

We’ve all had it… the post vacation blues that hit us the Monday morning after our return. I had to give my self a major pep rally to get out of bed yesterday.  This past weekend, I came home from a 5 day beach vacation in Litchfield.  My boyfriend & his sweet family let me come along with them on their annual Litchfield beach week (appropriately hash tagged #brinsonbeachweek on all IG pics).  It was full of sun soaking, naps in hammocks, ice cream, day-dates with my man, ocean kayaking, & seashell collecting.  Amidst all of that, I was reminded that when all agendas, “to-do” lists, alarms telling me when to do something & pressure to cram 1500 things into one day are removed, there is sand to stick your toes in & rest to be had!

Rest is something that is hard for me to naturally come by.  I have to be intentional about it.  I’m an achiever.  I get stuff done.  I pride myself on cramming more into a day than most people can fit into a week.  Zach jokingly says, I only waist time if I’ve intentionally planned to waste time.  In my early 20s, I thought this was a fantastic approach to life.  After all, being a young single woman trying to make it in the world is demanding!  The more you can do, the further you’ll get, right?  Nope!  While there is some truth to that thought, it will kill you if you live by it.  I learned that the hard way.

Father continues to teach me that rest is the environment in which He does everything.  “Lovers get a lot more done than workers”.  When we learn to live in a state of rest with him, we’ll find that we get a lot more done on accident through loving Him than we ever could with a “do-er” mentality.  You see, He’s not concerned with what we can “do”, nor do we have to prove ourselves to Him.  He’s concerned with us realizing who we are & how we love & release His kingdom on earth in our everyday lives.  It sounds simple, but it’s taken me a while to let that sink in. 

Make time for your rest.  Value & prioritize it.  It is vital to maintaining your peace & staying in sync with Father’s rhythm.  He waits for you in rest.  Take it from a girl who’s learned the hard way:  it’s so much better to rest with Father, even if it means not getting to some things on your list.  You might even find that you didn’t really need to have them on there in the first place J  Father is excellent at trading burdens for rest.  “Come to me all you who are weary & burdened & I will give you rest.”  Matt 11:28  Take a risk, leave that last thing on your list undone & give it a rest.