Samuel’s Searching

I haven’t shared very many glimpses into what motherhood has been teaching me (because hello newborn life!) but I wanted to write this moment from a few weeks ago. I want to always remember this one ❤️

As we started getting to know Samuel outside the womb, one of the first things we noticed about him was how he always seemed to have a furrowed brow, made eye contact immediately & held it so intensely with people. It literally would feel like he was looking right through your eyes into you at times. So many people who met him would say “Wow, that eye contact. He’s so alert already”. I wondered if he was going to just be a serious boy?

Then one night when I was putting him to bed, he was giving me that intense eye contact again.  I smiled as I laid him down and it suddenly hit me: “He looks like he is searching for something in my eyes”. I was immediately overwhelmed with the sense that he was searching for something familiar to him...He was searching for the eyes of Jesus. Tears fell as I realized what was happening. I believe it with all my heart: he’s seen the face of Jesus & he is looking for it in

the eyes he connects with here.  He’s locked eyes with the eyes of Jesus & already realizes he can’t live with out that.  His little gaze we labeled as “serious” was actually “searching”.

I told him that night “Baby, don’t ever forget that face. Do what ever you have to do to hang on to that in your heart. Look at Him every day. Tell me about it one day...”. I began to pray “Jesus let him see your eyes when he looks at me.  Let me be so connected to you that My eyes look like yours to my son.  May he find you in me as I find myself in you.”

I’m so thankful that I can mother him with the Holy Spirit & have these moments. These are treasures to my heart.  If any of you have seen this look, you’ve seen him looking for Jesus in you.

Grace & Peace: the first week of motherhood

“Grace & Peace”: they’ve been with us since Samuel came into the world a week ago.

One thing I quickly realized was that feeding baby boy was going to be more challenging than I expected (story of every mom, right?) Baby boy has two big ties affecting his latch. We are getting them corrected next week & to be honest- that feels like so far away when you’re feeding nearly every 2.5 hrs & it hurts. He has to work so hard to eat that he gets tired quick & feedings take double or tripple the time you thought they would take.  We’ve made the modifications that we feel peace about making to adjust but there have also been multiple moments where Samuel & I were both in tears together - frustrated, confused, both of us trying our best to get the hang of things.

But we are both determined - he is his mamas son. 

It’s stretching us, but anytime there is stretching there is growth. He is learning to stretch himself even when days old. I’m dying to myself in new ways to help him. 

I told a friend right before we had him that I had the strongest sense that I was dying & being born all at once. I was dying to life that could focus on me and a mother was being born.  It was preparing me for more of these dually occurring moments of “dying & being born”. So far, for me, motherhood has been exactly that. Death & birth happening inside all at once. It’s amazing; it’s challenging; its empowering one minute & then you feel you’re totally clueless in the next; it’s tiring; it’s full of the deepest joy & love.  Its Indescribable really. 

All that to say, in the stretching moments, I press in for that peace that marked Samuel’s birth. This song has been on repeat for the last several days.   I’m held by peace, & peace is only found in the presence of Jesus. When I’m confused, frustrated, feeling defeated, I turn my heart’s affection to Jesus & he holds me.  Peace floods in. Presence holds the solution every time.  He reminds me “you’re a daughter before you’re a mother. Live from that place.”  My good Father is giving me everything I need to be a good mother. Grace & peace abound. Thank you Jesus.

Sleepy heart rambles from a new mama ❤

https://music.apple.com/us/album/peace/1507049753?i=1507049765

Waiting becomes abiding

Waiting. I thought I’d be a pro at this by now. 4 & 1/2 years of learning to find treasure in waiting & somehow the last week of pregnancy feels embarrassingly challenging.  I’m still impatient. I’m trying not to wish these days away because I know I’ll look back & they’ll be just a blink but, buddy boy, I just want to hold you. I want to smooch your cheeks.  I want to find out what parts of your daddy I see in your face.  I want to lock eyes with you for the first time.  I want to feel that first skin to skin moment. I want my lung capacity back 😬

These last few days I’ve found myself pressing into Jesus for grace in a new but familiar way. He’s reminded me in every kind of waiting, He will always be the treasure we can find there as we shift our focus from the object of our waiting to His face.  I can have as much of Him as I’m hungry for, anytime, anywhere, & He is the only thing that satisfies.  My spirit knows He is the only thing that I really long for.  

In these last few days of wishing for baby, what I’m really longing for, what will really allow me to sit contently here is the same thing that enabled me to sit contently in the last 4 years - it’s Jesus.  It’s being with Him. It’s adoring Him. It’s feeling Him adore me.  When I sit with Him we’re outside of time & Im not waiting anymore for anything. I’m abiding. And that’s the place He wants me to live from. It’s the place where fruit grows.  It’s the place I become more like him.  Keep me here as long as you’ll stay here with me, Jesus. 

Processing pregnancy and Taking possession of Promised Lands

Time flies when you are enjoying pregnancy, managing work and ministry projects and then a pandemic hits! Since we announced our pregnancy, I haven’t had a chance to write about being on the other side of waiting for this promise. I can officially say I’m one of “those ladies” who loves pregnancy. It feels like such an honor to be a vessel for a miracle. I get to hold this growing life as the Father knits him together and prepares to release him on the earth, full of destiny, calling and significance. I have the privilege of speaking the first prayers over him that his little ears hear, singing the first songs of worship over him that he is soaked with, so many “firsts” that are already happening for him in the womb. This isn't a passive waiting season. It is so active. He lets me know it too! He loves fiery prayers, warm baths and coffee like his mama :) Yes, I definitely had some of your typical discomforts especially in the first trimester, but thankfulness took up all the room in my heart.  Waiting has a way of shifting your perspective. Even when it is uncomfortable, it is a miracle!  We waited almost 4 years, finding ourselves in multiple moments where breakthrough was postponed, little lives were lost, and we learned to lean deeper into Jesus and grow forward. (those stories are in the posts from 2016-2019 if you’d like to read them) This pregnancy– my fourth- is here to stay. Bless you Jesus. Every step of moving into a promised land is intentional and the Lord gives wisdom for each one. I want to share one of the gifts He gave me early on in this pregnancy to help me take this promised land with confidence.

Last November, we’d been recognizing signs of pregnancy & I’d been putting off taking a test just to see what my body continued to do. One particular night Zach was working late and I was watching “Call the Midwife” (where my BBC show fans at??). In this episode, Sister Julienne was caring for a newborn baby who was fighting for their life. She held him and prayed the following scripture over him. The words lept out of her mouth right into my spirit: “Do not be afraid, for I am with you. I have summoned you by name. You are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. When you pass through the rivers, the waves will not overtake you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned. The flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Holy one of Israel, your redeemer.” They were so alive to me that my spirit started buzzing. Immediately the Lord said to me, “hold onto this and take a test in the morning. “

The next morning, I did what He asked. I got ready for the day and waited for the test result. I’d taken what felt like countless tests over the last several years.  Normally, I’d rather just wait and see what my body does but this time I had a word from Father.  I took it this morning because He asked me to.  Anything He asks, even as small as taking a pregnancy test, He will always have my “yes”. It’s the number one core value of my life.  Three minutes later, there it was – two lines translating to “Yes, You are pregnant”. A swirl of familiar but new feelings filled my heart.  I relayed the news to Zach and we both calmly celebrated. The unspoken feeling in both our hearts was “We’ve been here before. Let’s proceed with caution.” There is nothing wrong with caution, but we have to let our hearts be searched and find out if what we are calling “caution” is actually fear wearing a mask of “reason”.  I took my breakfast into the study where I spend time with Jesus in the morning and I sat down to hold my heart out to Him and all that was bubbling in it. As I sat with Him, He nudged me to read into the verse He gave me the night before. I googled the part of the verse I could remember and found it was Isaiah 43.

1 But now, this is what the Lord says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…

18…Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland…”

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I read.  Every word felt specially crafted for me and this baby. As I read the chapter in its entirety, I could feel my “caution” being exposed as fear, and before it even had a chance to speak, the Lord had already given me His word that silenced it. He wanted me to be so confident in His word over this pregnancy that He spoke it to me before fear had any potential place to enter. He gave that gift to me the night before I found out I was pregnant because He knew what was coming in the morning. He always prepares us for what is ahead when we keep our ear and eyes turned to Him.

I grabbed a hold of that verse like life depended on it, because it did.  The life of my son was coming forth from that promise.  When the Lord speaks a word to you, it comes with the promise & power of life. His words always bring life because they are carried by His breath and all the life giving power that formed the universe is contained in that.  Confidence swelled in my heart and pushed caution further and further out. I processed the verses with Zach that night and we received them together. I wrote them on the white board on our fridge so I would see them every morning & declare them. The word of the Lord never returns void and always accomplishes its purpose.  Every time fear would try to come tell me that early-pregnancy was a familiar place that I’d been here before, I would remind fear of what the Lord had spoken, and it would flee. Some days it felt like it took more effort than others, but every time I submitted myself to God’s word and resisted the enemy, fear & anxiousness fled. “Submit yourselves to God, resist the devil and He will flee from you.” James 4:7.

The morning of our first ultrasound at 8 weeks, fear tried to knock again. In times past, most ultrasounds had only contained news of loss of life for us. They hadn't been fun or joyful. They tried to knock the wind out of me. I pressed into Jesus and He said “read my promise again”. As I read this particular morning, He made a distinction to me. “This isn’t just my promise to you. I'm speaking this promise to the child growing in you. It is for both of you as individuals.” I opened the eyes of my Spirit wider to see what He was saying. He impressed on my heart that He was speaking the first three verses directly to baby Brinson.  “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…” He said, “I’ve already summoned him by name and he is mine. When he passes through the “waters” of birth, I will be with him. When he walks through the “fire” (“ring of fire” is a term often used in one of the last phases of delivery) he will not be harmed. He will be born passing through my presence.” Good gracious, it wrecked me again. One of the first words the Lord spoke directly to this little boy and I got to hear it with him.

Then the Lord took me down to verses 18 and 19 and told me those were mine. “…Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland…” I was to declare them, root myself in them, drive a steak into them and anchor myself to it. Every time the enemy would try to tell me I was in place I’d been before, I would remind myself (and him) that I’ve been called to “forget the former things.” Forget the former miscarriages, losses, deferred hopes, grief… SEE with faith filled vision the new thing the Lord is doing. Fix my eyes on it and don’t look backwards.  He's brought me to a new place and it will not have the outcome of the past. The Lord is the one who makes the way in the wilderness. Its not contingent on anything from me except trust & faith in Him to do what He’s spoken. Full transparency - it took me a minute to really kick fear out to the point that I didn’t even hear it’s voice, but as I continued to press in and renew my mind, it happened. I don’t hear its voice any more. I’m taking possession of this promise.

There is a beautiful parallel between how we are called to inhabit a promise from Father in our life and how the Lord guided Israel into their promised land. Israel had been in the desert for 40 years and finally stepped into new terrain. But, even though they were setting foot in the Promised Land, it wasn’t inhabited by them yet. There is a difference between stepping into something & possessing it. The land had other inhabitants that had to be kicked out. How often does this happen in our hearts when the Lord calls us to a higher perspective or revelation? Its probably happened to many of us even during this COVID19 pandemic.  We’ve seen places where our former ways of thinking or places we derived security from left us lacking peace and confidence of goodness.  Let those things be exposed and be encouraged by the fact that they are being revealed so you can kick them out.    The Lord commanded Israel over and over to “TAKE POSSESSION” of the promise. Taking possession of something is active, fierce & deliberate.  In the beginning of Deuteronomy, Moses stood before the Israelites as they prepared to go to battle and take possession of their promised land. To stir their courage and faith, Moses recounted  how the Lord had delivered every one of their enemies into their hands thus far. (Testimonies of Gods past faithfulness fuel our faith for future breakthroughs) They had already conquered many kings on their journey because the Lord gave them supernatural victory and delivered each one into their hands.  I can imagine, however, back on the day of that very first battle, as they gathered to march to war before they’d seen tangible evidence of how the Lord would bring victory, there were some mixed emotions. They were no army to match the military forces of kings when you looked at them in the natural. In fact, scripture tells us that all their “fighting men” died in the wilderness. They had zero military training or experience but they’d been commanded to fight. The Lord wanted all confidence taken out of man and put on him.

Deut 2:24 recounts that first battle in taking possession of the promised land.  Look at what the Lord told Moses before they marched: “SEE I have given into your hand...the king & his country. Begin to take possession of it & engage him in battle.” The Lord spoke assurance of victory to Moses before they stepped foot towards the battle field. Before they ever moved to fight, the Lord was declaring the outcome. This is exactly what He did for me through the verses in Isaiah. But even after the Lord told Moses to go fight, Moses was hesitant. That was a big command that would mean death for Israel if the Lord didn’t show up.  Instead of going straight to battle (prompt obedience), Moses sent message to the foreign king to see if he would let them peacefully pass through his land. The king refused. (coming up with a “compromise” with God that blends obedience with an easier route never works out well & actually prevents us from receiving His best for us)  Then the Lord spoke to Moses again “SEE I have begun to deliver the king & his country to you...conquer and possess it.” One word kept jumping out at me. He keeps repeating: “SEE”. He wasn’t speaking this as if He were annoyed with Moses’ hesitation saying “See, I’m trying to tell you…”. He was commanding the eyes of Moses’ spirit to “SEE”! It was as if He were healing him of the blindness of doubt and opening Moses’ eyes to higher truth. “SEE in faith that every word I speak will come to pass. SEE the battle through the leans of my power and faithfulness, not the natural probable outcome. SEE your victory Moses!”

The Lord said the same thing to me as I stepped into this promised land of pregnancy: “SEE Madison!” He summons our spirits to full attention to look with faith-filled vision over areas of our life where a battles are taking place. In this wild time where the world feels full of fear, anxiousness & uncertainty, I believe He is declaring it over many of us: “SEE!” It is a command and a healing word. He commands us to see our lives through the lens of His spoken promise. As we do, the blinders of doubt and fear fall away. The bold confidence of a warrior rises. If He spoke it, we can SEE it in faith & march into what ever is ahead, even if victory hasn’t manifested yet in the natural. Maybe He’s commanding you to SEE today? Is there an area of your life that you need to adjust your lease & SEE through eyes of victory? See your victory over every weapon that would rise against you as you journey to your promised land. “He who promised is faithful.” Even though weapons rise against us (or a pandemic, financial set back, fear, anxiety…), they will be thwarted…it is the inheritance of the servants of the Lord (Is 54:13) SEE that promise over your life today and take heart!

When we come out of this season of pandemic, we will be in a NEW place.  We are moving FORWARD, not going back to where we were.  We are taking new ground in the kingdom.  Revival is filling the earth, let it be fueled by us!  Don't settle for getting your life back to what it looked like prior to the battle, advance into the new territory the Lord is calling you to in this season.  Let the revival that has been sparked in your heart and home catapult you into a whole new place even after society & economy has recovered.  We won't settle back into old rhythms and places of security.  Let us have eyes to see and push forward with the move of God that is being poured out on the earth.

The Post We've Been Hoping & Believing for...

How do I start?  Every word feels small. It’s the one I’ve been waiting to write for four years. We’ve been hiding a sweet secret in our hearts that we want to share: Miracle Baby Brinson is growing strong & will be here in JULY 2020.

There is so much my heart wants to say, but for now, here is where I’ll start.  Deep thankfulness and thrilling joy are overflowing in us. The Lord is the God of miracles and He is faithful to see every promise He speaks come to pass. His love and faithfulness are unstoppable and relentless.

To all of you who have journeyed with us over the last 4 years: You’ve prayed with/for us, shed tears with us, hugged us when there were no words, encouraged us in truth, believed with us, and held our arms of faith up when we felt tired...this feels like as much of an answer to your prayers as it does our own. “The prayers of a righteous man (and woman) avail much.” Thank you so very much.

To the mamas still in the waiting: I love you and I’m with you still. Finding so many of you in this journey has brought me encouragement and given me a kind of friendship that I never knew I’d need. I’m declaring my breakthrough over you with an “AMEN” - “do it again Father.” What He will do for one He WILL do for another. You are seen. You are heard. You are not forgotten or skipped. You are precious and He sees and loves your mama-heart. He is faithful and good always. He wants to give you even more of Himself in this waiting place. You can come out of the driest dessert more in love with Him than ever before because when you came to the end of yourself, you fell into His arms. I pray you catch His gaze and hold it forever.

To our three babies in heaven: Ezra, sweet girl, thank you for letting your baby sibling have your first teddy bear here (and thank you to my mom for giving it to both of them!). Loving you three first has stretched my heart out to love your brother/sister even more than I thought possible. Thank you for awakening my mama-heart and teaching me how to fight for your lives. There are no prayers like the prayers for your child, even an unborn one. Thank you for pushing me into a new place of contending in faith in intercession.  Thank you for filling my heart up even when you couldn’t fill my arms.

To Zach: You are a rock, best friend, heart of wisdom, arms of compassion and voice of truth to our family like I never dreamed a husband could be. You are my hero. There is no one else in the world I would choose to walk this road with. I love the family motto we crafted in these years “Brinson’s shine brightest in hard places.” You are seriously going to be the best dad - you were made for Fatherhood.

And to precious Jesus: My words fall so very short. You are the treasure of the dessert. You met me in the barren place and showed me a love that has changed me deeply.  “Sing o barren woman, you who never bore a child...for your maker is your husband, the Lord almighty is His name.”  (Is 54). The song you wrote with me here has elevated me to sing notes I never knew I could reach.  You’ve swept me off my feet with the depths of love, hope, trust and surrender you’ve brought me into. And yet, this is just a dip in the vastness of your heart.  I’ll never stop diving.   I’m forever captivated and overwhelmed by you. You turned dry dessert into a watering hole where my spirit was nourished, loved, cared for, and romanced by your presence like no other season in my life.   Thank you for the gift of this precious baby, but even more, thank you for the gift of you. Nothing compares to you.

In 2015 before Zach and I began to try to grow our family, Zach had a dream where he saw me getting ready to deliver a child.  In the dream the Lord spoke and said the baby would be a Psalm 126 baby.  We pondered and read that chapter.  It didn’t really make sense to us at the time.  We had no clue as to what our journey into parenthood was about to look like, but as the years have passed and we stand here today, the words make perfect sense:

“When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dreamed. Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.” The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy. Restore our fortunes, Lord, like streams in the Negev. Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.”

The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy. We’ll be carrying our little “sheaf of Joy” with us in July.  And how sweet is it that July was also the due date month for our first baby.  The Lord redeems all things, even timelines of life that the enemy stole.  Thank you for celebrating with us. All glory to King Jesus.

Transitioning Well: keeping the main thing as the main thing

Today I was humbly reminded of the amazing patience & love of the Father in seasons of transition. Over the last two months Zach & I have been navigating another transition in life season. More had been asked of us by Father & we knew they were things for us to say yes to & partner with. One of our life core values is “Yes to Jesus at any cost.” But we know He always abundantly makes available the equipping needed for anything He calls us to. We were learning to balance “more” in several areas all at once.

In all my “balancing” & “partnering” I didn’t realize a subtle shift had begun to take place in my conversations & time with Father. They began to consist of prayers, scripture studies & seeking Him for ways I could manage transition well & find equipping for the responsibilities at hand rather than finding deeper intimacy with Him in the process. Seeking Him for guidance is wonderful & necessary but we can’t let a good thing replace the main thing - the main thing is always deeper intimacy with Him simply because we love Him & We want to know Him more deeply. When we focus on loving Him & receiving His love, the equipping & supernatural stretching of capacity happens naturally as a fruit of increased intimacy. He so faithful! He helped me see places in my own heart this morning where I’d been focusing on “good things” instead of the “main thing” & He so kindly & quickly brought me right back.

“By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence.” 2 Peter 1:3. Did you catch that? We “receive all this (equipping) BY coming to KNOWHim...” (not asking Him for guidance a million times). In knowing Him, simply for the sole purpose of intimacy, we find everything we need for every transition, responsibility increase, ministry need, & season change.

I say all this in hopes that it can encourage someone else in transition, desiring to transition well. As we keep the main thing at the center of our heart, our capacity will expand supernaturally. You’ll find everything you need as you walk forward just loving & deeply knowing the Father. It sounds so easy & simple but if you’re anything like me, I still need the reminder sometimes 😊

Side note: can we celebrate that today is the first time in over 5 months that I’ve gone to have coffee WITH OUT my lap top! I didn’t want to create any opportunity for me to be tempted to work on anything. I could tell someone else “you have to schedule down time to take care of yourself” but I wasn’t practicing what I preach! It might have been the best decision I’ve made in 5 months 😉

Your “How” matters

 I’ve been reading through some of Genesis lately, starting where the Lord cut covenant with Abram. There, He reminded me of something so important for those of us who are waiting on His words over our lives to come to pass.  If you want to read along, check out Genesis 15.

Abram had just arrived in the land of Canaan, the land the Lord promised to give him and his descendants forever. The funny thing about that promise was that Abram had zero descendants at the time the promise was made and he was no spring chicken!  He was almost 80.   This is the moment in scripture where the land of Canaan became the “Promised Land” (Genesis 13). Years before any of Abram’s descendants ever existed, the Lord marked it for them. Over the course of the next several hundred years, Israel would be moved out of that land, put into slavery for 400 years, delivered from that slavery, return to the land of Canaan, uproot all its inhabitants, and settle in it as the Promised Land. What a ride.  The Lord is faithful to keep His promises.

In chapter 15, the Lord is preparing to cut covenant with Abram. “The word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision…”. The first thing to note is this: Abram received a clear word from God.  The Lord told Abram, an old childless man, that his descendants would outnumber the stars. This promise seemed opposite of Abram’s natural reality (well, because it was). Look at Abram’s response to that massive word. His response is the same one we are called to have when the word of the Lord comes to us. “Abram believed the Lord and He credited it to him as righteousness.” When the Lord directly speaks a word to us, we have two choices: question it, or believe it and grab it with both hands. What makes the difference in how we respond is what we focus on when the word is given. Do we focus on the “what” that was spoken or the “who” that said it?  If we let the “what” take precedence, words can feel “too big”.  When we focus ourselves on the “who” that spoke the word, we can be confident no matter how massive the word is, it’s as good as done. The Lord lives in the cosmic-sized miraculous.  Acknowledging that the creator of the universe has just given you a promise makes even the most immense words seem easy. He can not lie and He is always faithful. Abram knew this by faith and He grabbed His promise.

Have you ever had a word from God over your life like that? One that seemed massively opposite to your present circumstance? How did you respond?  For me over the last few years, one of those big words has been “Mother”. In the natural my circumstances say I may never be a mama, but the Lord has repeatedly spoken the word “Mother” over me for going on 4 years now, between 3 miscarriages. When circumstances say it can’t happen, faith and hope say “Watch what my Father is about to do”.  Our response to the word of the Lord in our life shows our level of trust in Him and our value for His word. As we "walk by faith and not by sight”, faith illuminates our path to show us where to place our feet. My feet are being planted on a path to Motherhood. I refuse to step off that path because I know what Father has repeatedly spoken to me in the secret place. If you have a promise from the Lord, grab it and don’t let it go.  Remember who it is that spoke it to you. Give it the honor it deserves.

                                             _________________________________


Now lets get to the part where the title of this post comes in. We’ve seen the back story. Abram knew that his descendants would be as numerous as the stars. The Lord cut covenant on that promise.

I can imagine Abram started off confident in that word, standing firm in his belief of it. Who wouldn’t when the Lord himself visited you and cut a covenant with you?   Slowly, however, something began to happen.  Time passed. 10 years came and went and the Lords word hadn’t even began to come to pass yet. I don't care how patient you are, 10 years will start to feel like a long time.  Abram arrived at a fork in the road and his decision changed the course of history.

“Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian slave named Hagar; so she said to Abram, 'The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my slave; perhaps I can build a family through her.' Abram agreed to what Sarai said.” (Gen 16:1-2)

He allowed someone to convince Him to “help” the Lord’s word come to pass by taking matters into their own hands. This is what I want to focus on. When we have a clear word from the Lord, LET HIM BRING IT ABOUT no matter how long it takes. The “how” matters tremendously, not just the “what”. Abram heard the word of the Lord, but He didn’t hear a “how”. When his patience (or his confidence) grew thin he tried to create a path for himself.  That self-carved path led to generations of pain in Abraham’s family even though it looked like it was creating the outcome of the word of the Lord.  I’m not spinning scare tactics here.  The Lord is good and He can redeem all things, but I do want us to see the seriousness of staying yielded to the Lord in every step.  When God speaks a clear word, I believe He cares as much about how it comes to pass as the outcome. Much of His transformative work in our lives happens in the “how”. The “what” often takes time because He has purpose in how it comes to pass. Please hear my heart, I’m not saying run around paralyzed and scared to take any steps. Pursue the Lords promises with passion.  I believe the will of God can be vast in many areas and often times He allows us to make decisions because He trusts us, but we have to stop, ask, and listen. We have to weigh our choice with the Lord. If something looks like it could be an opportunity for a word He spoke to come to pass, don’t make an assumption. Stop and ask Him if that is your step. This helps keep us from self-promotion (forcing a word to happen outside of His plan) and choosing seemingly “good ways” over “God ways”.

You have a word from God over your life, and that's wonderful! Celebrate it, believe it, treasure it, hold onto it for dear life. Just don’t force it. In my waiting on His word of “Mother” in my life, I’ve had many opportunities to attempt to make it happen: more extensive medical interventions, adoption, assuming the word was just in reference to spiritual mothering… you name it.  Each of those are wonderful things and I'm all for them. I have dear friends who the Lord has told to pursue those things and it was obedience for them to do so. But I know in my heart, because I’ve weighted each of those options with the Lord, that He hasn’t told me those are my paths right now.  Who knows, maybe they will be tomorrow, but I'm responsible for my obedience in today. How His word comes to pass is as important in His plan as the word itself.  We see it in Abram's life, and we can see it in our own.  When we stay confident in Him and keep our ear tuned to His voice, we'll never feel the need to rush the Lord or try to take matters into our own hands. Often His path is longer, wild, but more brilliant than anything we could come up with. His “how” is as trust worthy as His “what”. Our job is to stay yielded & surrendered so we are ready to say yes to each step of His “how”.  For any one who is waiting on a promise to come to pass, I'm with you.  I hope this encourages you to be confident that His plan is in place, even if you can't see evidence of it.  His "how" is beautiful.