One thing I quickly realized was that feeding baby boy was going to be more challenging than I expected (story of every mom, right?) Baby boy has two big ties affecting his latch. We are getting them corrected next week & to be honest- that feels like so far away when you’re feeding nearly every 2.5 hrs & it hurts. He has to work so hard to eat that he gets tired quick & feedings take double or tripple the time you thought they would take. We’ve made the modifications that we feel peace about making to adjust but there have also been multiple moments where Samuel & I were both in tears together - frustrated, confused, both of us trying our best to get the hang of things.
But we are both determined - he is his mamas son.
It’s stretching us, but anytime there is stretching there is growth. He is learning to stretch himself even when days old. I’m dying to myself in new ways to help him.
I told a friend right before we had him that I had the strongest sense that I was dying & being born all at once. I was dying to life that could focus on me and a mother was being born. It was preparing me for more of these dually occurring moments of “dying & being born”. So far, for me, motherhood has been exactly that. Death & birth happening inside all at once. It’s amazing; it’s challenging; its empowering one minute & then you feel you’re totally clueless in the next; it’s tiring; it’s full of the deepest joy & love. Its Indescribable really.
All that to say, in the stretching moments, I press in for that peace that marked Samuel’s birth. This song has been on repeat for the last several days. I’m held by peace, & peace is only found in the presence of Jesus. When I’m confused, frustrated, feeling defeated, I turn my heart’s affection to Jesus & he holds me. Peace floods in. Presence holds the solution every time. He reminds me “you’re a daughter before you’re a mother. Live from that place.” My good Father is giving me everything I need to be a good mother. Grace & peace abound. Thank you Jesus.
Sleepy heart rambles from a new mama ❤
https://music.apple.com/us/album/peace/1507049753?i=1507049765