Part 2 - Our Journey to home

Welcome back (I hope you’re back) for the conclusion of our journey into home!  My last post left us moving toward April of this year, 2015, when our apartment lease was set to expire.  We didn’t have a down payment for a house saved anymore because the Lord invited us to a place of laying down anything that we could put confidence in other than Himself.  Catch up and read Part 1 below if you'd like to hear it.  We were confident that the Lord would bless our obedience to the “ask” He extended to us to do something else with our savings, but His blessing wasn’t why we obeyed.  We obeyed because we love Him and want to do what He asks of us, regardless of what comes of it.  That’s what love does.  If we’d obeyed simply to try to get Him to do something for us, it would have been manipulation.  When Zach and I prayed over the check we wrote in January, all that I could say was “Thank you so much Father for inviting me to this place, for beckoning me to a place of trust that is deeper than any you’ve called me to in this process yet.  If nothing ever comes of this other than you brought my heart to this place, is was worth it.”  Romans 4: 20 became my song “Yet he [Abraham] did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.”  I can confidently say that Zach and I were fully persuaded that God would do what He had spoken.  This strengthened our faith and brought us to a sweet place of joy in the Lord that we would have missed if we hadn’t said "yes".  My heart’s desire is for obedience, even if it makes me uncomfortable at first.  Love pushes past discomfort and still says “yes”.  I may have a melt down or two and even question things in a moment of limited understanding as my heart is refined, but I want to be a “yes” one.  I want to have a “yes” family and I want my life’s cry to be “yes” to any and everything He asks.

April came and we prayed again about what to do with our apartment lease.  Zach felt like he heard that September would be a significant month for us.  I felt peace in my spirit over that so we attempted to sign a least that would take us to September.  When we went to the apartment management team to arrange a lease, they informed us that they could only offer us a minimum of a 9 month lease (expiring in January of 2016- NO thank you!) or we could go month to month on our lease agreement for a hefty rent increase.  We weren’t expecting that at all.  What happened to a solution resulting in “September”?  Often times when we hear from the Lord on a matter, the enemy will try come in right behind that word and make us doubt what we heard.  That’s where we have the opportunity to flex our faith muscles and continue to stand firm in confidence of the Lord’s goodness.  We asked the Lord again and still felt peace about September so we went month to month in our apartment and continued to look for homes over the Summer.  The Lord was so faithful and blessed our finances through that season in ways only He could.  The end of Summer came and we had more than what we needed to be able to close on a home again.  Zach and I both felt an excitement in our spirits growing as September arrived and we couldn’t wait to see what was in store.  The first week of September passed by, the second week passed by, then the third week came and my excitement started to dwindle when we still no sign of a home.  I simply started to feel exhausted and confused. Had we misheard everything?  Are we looking in all the wrong directions?  Should I lower the bar?  “This isn’t a game Lord!  I can’t keep doing this cycle of search, wait, repeat.”  I had a breakdown that third week of September and I told the Lord “I feel like I have no more hope or joy for this process in my own strength.  I’ve tried to claim, declare, believe myself through it, but I’m at my end with this.  I need you to fill me with your supernatural hope and joy.” That is always the place He loves to meet us – at the end of ourselves.  That’s when He can show us what it is to be filled with all of HIS fullness and not what we’ve tried to drum up in ourselves.  There is certainly a time to stand and be strong in battle but there is also a time to simply be still, put the sword down, rest and let Him move for us.  The next morning I awoke with more joy than I’d felt in weeks.  It was none of my own and all of His.

 

That very next week, the moment that the last 18 months had been preparing us for finally arrived.  (Let me pause here and give you a high five for making it this far thought the story)  We were led to our house!  <>  Our house actually found us.  We didn’t even have to go out and search for it.  We were contacted and asked if we would like to see it before it was put on the market.  If I’d have known it would go down like that I’d have saved myself and our saint of a real-estate agent the energy it took to look at 80+ houses over the last 18 months!  I’ll be honest, it wasn’t what I thought I was looking for, but the moment I stepped into it “the feeling” that everyone had been telling me I would have overwhelmed me.  I felt immediate peace.  I heard friends laughing around the dinner table, I saw movie nights in the living room, I saw kiddos running around on the hardwood floors, I saw life.  It was home.  As we’ve moved through the closing process we continued to be in awe over Father’s faithfulness.  Not only has he given us our house, but he has poured out so much favor on the process of getting us into it and making it home.  We have been left speechless several times already.  We are so excited to grow our family in it and see everyone He brings into this home to share life with us.  Hebrews 10:23 has been on my mind for weeks now “Hold fast to the confession of our hope with out wavering, for He who promised is faithful.”  

I share my story hoping that it can be a testimony to anyone who might feel that they have been in a journey of waiting and are “at their end” as they wait on the fulfillment of a word the Lord has spoken.  I know that feeling of exhaustion that can come during long seasons of waiting while you hold on to a promise.  Maybe you’ve been waiting for months or years.  Don’t give up.  Flex those faith muscles.  Maybe like me, you need to ask the Lord to open your mind to the possibility that He is fulfilling that promise in a way that is different from what you’ve grown to expect.  If we put an expectation on what it should look like when the Lord shows up, we may not see it when He does.  Keep your heart open for any way He may choose to fulfill His word.  If doubt has crept in and tried to steal your hope, go to the one who will give it to you through simply being in His presence.  “In [His] presence is fullness of joy” (PS 16:11) and “the joy of the Lord is our strength” (Neh 8:10) so run to His presence and be strengthened with His joy.  When you step into that promised land, every moment spent in the dessert feels worth it.  He will not leave you in the dessert, He will lead you through it.  He will bring you to the promise He has for you.  Hold onto your faith in El Hanne-Eman – “The Faithful God”.  He won’t disappoint.  Thank you for taking time to read our home story!  I’m going to try to post a few pics of the house as we fix a few things up over the next several weeks.  I’ll do my best to improve my posting frequency and get them up before 2016 is here :)  

Part 1 - Our journey to home

Long time no see friends!  It has been over a year since my last post and frankly its because so much has happened in my heart over that year that I was overwhelmed at the thought of having to put any of it to words.  It has been a year of pruining, refining, dying to myself, and letting my heart be molded in ways it never has been before.  I’m going to share the story of a small bit of that refining with you.  This story attempts to squeeze 18 months of journeying with the Lord into one or two scrolls of your computer/mobile devices’ screen so bear with me. I’m going to do this in 2 posts so you don’t start to go cross eyed trying to follow along :)

Lets jump right in with the back story.  For over 6 years now, I’ve longed for a home; to have a place where I could feel free to dig deep roots, plant my feet and not wonder when I’d be packing up to move and re-settle again.  Maybe its a southern thing or maybe its a female thing, but there's something to be said for a women and her home.  I love hosting people and inviting them in to share their hearts.  In my early 20’s I began to look for homes several times, but every time the Lord would tell me to wait on my husband before I purchased one.  I was glad to be obedient and wait, but the desire to have a place for “roots” was always in my heart.

 

When Zach & I got married in May of 2014 I thought to myself “Now its time!  Now we’ll find our home.”  We asked the Lord and both felt peace that one of our top financial priorities would be to continue to save for a home.  We re-worked our budget to be wise and prepare for the time that He would show us where we would live.  We were able to limit some of our lifestyle and save joyfully because we knew what we were working for.  Every month when we would see the little amount in our savings account grow, we got so excited!  We were working towards a dream together and it was so much fun to see the unity that it brought in our family.

I started looking at homes over the Summer of 2014 but it wasn’t the Lords timing for us, and to be honest, the process showed me that my heart wasn’t in the right place.  I became focused on our “next step” and I didn’t realize it at first, but little by little I began to put more hope and excitement in the thought of finding a home than I had put in the thought of having Jesus and no home at all.  Isn’t it funny how a desire for something other than Jesus can creep up and hide in our hearts while we don’t see it?  It could be a desire for a home, a career move, a spouse, a retirement plan, a child, even a healing, you name it.  Those things in and of themselves can be wonderful things but when we build a theology of who Jesus is for us around what He gives us, we are way WAY off.  When our view of him is based on what’s in his hand for us and not on beholding His face, we’ve totally missed it.  He is always more concerned about the condition of our hearts towards him over anything else.  A house became something my heart was hungry for, and anytime a heart is hungry for something other than Jesus, that desire needs to be submitted to the cross.  That is exactly what Father did with that desire over the next several months.  He allowed me to pursue a home so I would see that I’d tried to run ahead of him.  Then, in his kindness, he lovingly showed me that I’d allowed my perspective to get off track and He invited me back to submit myself to Him and his timing.  He helped me turn my heart back to run after Him alone rather than Him and a home.  That’s the beauty of repentance.  When we repent and change the way we think to be in line with heaven again, it always brings freedom.  It’s humbling to even admit that’s where my heart was because it sounds so selfish, but I’m hoping I’m not the only one willing to admit she’s found herself in that boat :)  Don’t leave a sister hangin!  Any time we seek after Jesus and ______ (you name it), we will miss so much of what He has for us because our eyes’ focus is being divided.  That’s why he tells us “Seek FIRST the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be added to you” (Matt 6:33), and “When you seek me you will find me when you seek my with ALL your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13)

The Summer came to a close, and my heart was in a beautiful place with the Lord.  Zach and I prayed about how long of a renewal lease to sign on our apartment.  We felt like we should renew until April of 2015 so that’s what we did and we took a break from house hunting.  As the new year approached, we started to ask the Lord about when he would have us begin looking again.  The more we prayed, the more we felt that January 2015 was the time for us to pick it back up.  We felt like the Lord had even told us at the beginning of the year that our house was coming soon (In hind sight, its always good to remember that when the Lord says “soon”, rarely does it match our definition of “soon”).  We had different people who were unaware of our situation tell us that they felt like the Lord was bringing a house to us or that they saw pictures of us holding keys to a home that would be a center of ministry.  My heart swelled!!  It sounded like everything I’d hoped for in a home: a place to settle and establish roots; to invite people in to love them and bless them.  We want our home to be a place of ministry where people come and are filled up and encouraged.  I couldn’t wait to see what it would look like, where it would be, how many people we could have at the dinner table, etc.  We looked at several homes for the first few weeks of January.  We knew that the Lord had a home for us whether He had showed it to us yet or not, we just didn’t expect his next move…

Out of the blue at the end of January, the Lord very clearly told Zach that we were to take the money we’d saved for our house down payment and do something different with it………………(insert gasp, tears, questioning, thinking my husband had lost his mind, me telling the Lord to tell Zach he’d heard wrong, etc).  I wish I could convey the cycle of emotions I went through over a 24 hour period.  I cried, I wanted to throw up, I cried some more, I questioned if we’d even heard the Lord correctly about our home.  My response was not cute, let me tell you, but let me also tell you what that one ask from the Lord did for me.  It became a holy invitation from Him to look at my heart again and ask: if all of our natural proof that his word would be true was taken away, did I still believe Him for what He’d told us?  I informed him, as if He didn’t know,  “Lord, Zach and I co-labored for over a year for that.  We will never be able to get a house by April with out it.  We’ll never be able to get a house this YEAR with out it!”  You see, it wasn’t about money for me at all, it was about a dream being postponed again.  “A hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” Prov 13:12.  It showed me a place in my heart where I wasn’t fully believing in the goodness of my Father.  I wasn’t trusting Him to provide for the word He had spoken.  In that one “ask”, He was calling me to a deeper place of standing on the truth of who He says He is, regardless of what my circumstances seem to say.  It took me a few days to get there, but in a weeks time I was able to step in obedience and write the biggest check I’ve ever written with joy in my heart and complete confidence in His goodness and faithfulness.  The Lord loves to invite us to higher levels of revelation of who He is through our life circumstances.  It’s our choice to respond to any situation by believing truth or by choosing not to, and choosing the latter will always lead to questioning and doubt.  Its so easy to agree with truth it in a quote, a sermon, a teaching, but when He asks you to live it out, it sinks roots into you that go deeper than any teaching ever could.  It becomes part of the core of who you are and who you believe Him to be.

 

Fast forward to April when our apartment lease expires and that is where we will pick up in the next post.  I hope you come back to hear the rest!  I know I’m biased, but it is such a sweet testimony! :)